Sunday, November 18, 2012

I get knocked down, but I get up again..

To say it's been a while is a total understatement. To say things have gone well - total overstatement.

The injury I received in April has really been rough and knocked me around quite a bit, along with one crazy hectic volunteering phase that's slowing down now before it kicks off again in the new year.

I've let excuse after excuse stop me from completing what I set out to do in August 2011. The injury was reasonably severe and I am still having problems with it to this day which is SUPER frustrating. I'm so scared of re injuring myself which is such a mind f*&^!!! It's really held me back.

I've let the crappy foods back into my house and back into my diet. I haven't gotten to the point I was before I lost the weight with 12wbt, but I certainly was on my way there. Why I allowed myself to do this I'll never really know. Perhaps it was a bit of depression creeping back in, perhaps I had just given up. It's over and done with now because I've finally decided that this is no way to live anymore. I refuse to let this injury rule my life. Now is the time to get back into the swing of things and lose this weight that I've been so desperate to get off.

I have approximately 47kgs to lose. I've gained approx 8kgs since April which I'm really disappointed about.   I hate that I'll have to go back and lose weight that I had already shed, but what's done is done. I can only really go down (on the scales) from here.

I have signed up for round 4. My motivator were some photos of myself on our end of season netball trip. As horrible as it is (and still being 30kgs down from my start weight) I feel just as big as I did at my heaviest. I'm not prepared to feel like this anymore.

A good friend has joined the program and whilst she doesn't have as much to lose as I do, I feel like she will be a great support as she's so close to where I live. We will be able to motivate each other.
There's also my local group of 12wbters who are amazing and smash these crazy goals I could only wish to achieve.

I'm determined to do what I did in my very first round of the 12wbt last year. To write in my blog often. To complete all tasks asked of me. To find my love of exercise and to say NO to the shit in my house/when out. Noone else can do this for me. Noone else wants this for me as much as I do. No point sitting on my ever expanding arse and waiting for something to happen as I know from previous experience - IT WON'T!!!

Today I completed a 6.6km fun run. I may not have run the entire 6.6kms, but considering I was going to give up after 3.3kms due to my injury, I'm pretty proud. I'm so disappointed and frustrated that I couldn't run the entire way as this time last year I could have. I hate that I've allowed this injury to put me back so far. Not any more!!

I've had my 6 months off. I've had fun. I've shown myself how NOT to live. I know what to do. I know how much I want the weight off. I've seen incredible friends and their AMAZING transformations and sat here behind my screen so elated for them, but so jealous. Jealous that they had the guts and determination to do what I didn't. I'm so very proud of them and they deserve all of the accolades they receive. They inspire me daily to be a better person and show me that it IS possible!!

So, this is it. My goal is to reach 85kgs by July 20 2013 for my 30th birthday. I want to look and feel amazing. I'm sick of being the biggest person in the room. The 'fat' friend. I'm sick of feeling so defensive about my size after all of the looks I get. I want to fit into the 'normal' sized clothing stores. I want to buy nice clothes!! I want to be fit. I want to be able to run. I want to be an amazing role model for my kids and I want people to look at me and say 'Wow! She's worked so hard and she looks amazing'. I want that for me.

I will come in from time to time and make some excuse or whinge or have a little 'depression session' and have no faith in myself. Please feel free to slap that shit out of me (with the written word obviously). I need every push I can possibly get. When I know I've got people relying on me, supporting me and encouraging me, I can do amazing things.

Until next time xx

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