Wednesday, November 30, 2011

It's almost over!!

I cannot believe how quick these last 15 odd weeks have flown! It's amazing to think that I am still here... this far into the 12wbt, still going, STILL training and eating well... STILL losing weight!

I started this round having no huge expectations. Certainly not expecting to lose much in the way of weight. I had no idea if I'd stick to the meals, or if I'd even like anything. Healthy food to me has always been tasteless crap... as if I was going to like it.
My Mum (god love her) grabbed the crunchtime Cookbook and Crunchtime Book for me in the first week of preseason and I immediately read the entire crunchtime book that very first night. I think the very first page had me nodding in agreeance... it was like someone had been interviewing me about what goes through my head and what struggles I face. I felt understood, and I felt stupid for feeling understood - it was a Book for goodness sakes!!
Having not weighed myself in quite some time (over 152kgs at a GP appointment in May), and having fooled myself into thinking that the anti depressants I'd been on had caused me to LOSE weight (I was so far in denial it wasn't funny), I was absolutely SHOCKED when I came across the numbers on the screen. I remember bawling my eyes out in my bedroom, away from my family. It was the most gut wreching feeling I've ever had. I'd been fooling myself for years that even though I was fat... I was still happy. PPFFTT!!! What an absolute crock of shit! I was dying!! I was very bloody lucky I hadn't succumbed to diabetes, or some other fat person disease. I was constantly tired and drained, I just felt like crap on toast all of the time. I was angry with my whole family.  I thought I was doing enough by playing netball every Saturday and doing 1 50minute strength training class.... gosh the cals I burnt in those wouldn't have even made a dent in one meals worth of cals. I was certainly kidding myself.

My whole life came to a giant halt after I was diagnosed with depression early this year. I knew a fair amount of it was situational - we had been living on an isolated property for 3 years. No neighbours. No garbage collection. I had to do about a 5-6km round trip driving to get the mail! It was a horrible house that I absolutely hated. Everything about my life out there I hated. The change finally came when we moved.
I now lived 20minutes closer to town (we're still out of town, but this house and this area are awesome and I love it here). I'd been having counselling sessions and my counsellor was great. After the initial session, we concentrated more on my weight. How did I get here? Why wouldn't I help myself? What was holding me back? It was just what I needed to get this whole idea planted in my brain.

I starting researching things online. As I've mentioned before, I've tried the shake diets, I've tried weight watchers I've tried numerous things and I could never stick it out more than a week. I was not in the right frame of mind... I wasn't ready to tackle it. I came across several weight loss surgery websites and decided that I must just be one of those people who cannot control their weight without surgery. I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't prepared to eat crappy diet food. I was going the wrong way about it all.
I spoke to hubby who immediately quashed any ideas of surgery. I cried again, believing that he was taking away all of my options. I know he just didn't believe in surgery and he couldn't risk anything happening to me.... he loves me far too much. I was left in limbo land for a few weeks, trying to decide what my purpose was in life and how I was going to spend my last 10-20 years..... WHO THE HELL THINKS LIKE THAT WHEN THEY ARE 27???!!!!! I stopped my meds (mainly on my own) in June when we moved house. The move made me feel immediately clearer and I knew that NOW was finally the time to tackle it.

I'm a member of several parenting forums (yep... a giant big internet geek!! haha), and I'd mentioned on one that I was desperate to lose weight. I had no idea where to start, where to turn. Then, a fantastic lady who is such an inspiration had mentioned how she was about to begin the 12wbt and that maybe I should join. My interest was piqued and I started researching, reading the facebook page and going through all of the amazing photos and stories on there. I was HOOKED! People MY SIZE had managed to lose a tonne of weight. I know now that this program and journey was not just about losing weight, but about gaining life, but back then it was all about the weight.

I bit the bullet and signed up the week before preseason was to begin. I ummed and ahhed a few times, but I figured it was only $200... I spend that on shit normally I may aswell attempt to try and fix my life. It was not going to be wasted money even when I did fail.

I am a member of the most amazing FB group and together we all started sharing our goals for the 12 weeks. My goal for preseason and the 12 weeks was 12kgs lost total. I thought that was going to be a stretch, but I wanted to challenge myself.

Well, bugger me if the first week I didn't love the food! It was fantastic! I was so proud of myself for eating healthily and saying no to the shit. I finally had an inner voice that was on my side.

By the first day of round 1, I'd managed to lose 12.3kgs!!! OMG!! I could not believe it! I'd gone from 163kgs down to 150.7kgs. It DID work. I started believing that I could actually do this!
As the round went on I went from strength to strength. I had my ups and downs, but I've always gotten right back into it. My determination to finally succeed at something pushed me to better myself daily. I'd gone from week 1's 1km time trial having to walk the entire 1km in over 12 minutes. By week 8 I'd run all but about 50 metres in just over 9 minutes. I can now run 8 minutes non stop (and I reckon I can push myself further) and this Saturrday morning when I do my time trial I WILL run the WHOLE 1 KM!  I am determined to do it in under 9 minutes.

I train hard at least 6 days a week. I ENJOY it! I have so much fun... my 2 different PT's are amazing and I owe them so so much. I move better. I feel better.

I've lost approx 3 dress sizes, going from a 26 down to a 20. I actually fit into nicer clothes... I'm no longer stuffing myself in size 24's because "there is NO WAY I'm a size 26!!!).

I kick my own ass! I go for my runs and tell myself out loud "you can do it!! Just a little bit further!".

People are constantly commenting on my weight loss. I've gone from the 160's, through the 150's and the 140's and now I'm nearly halfway through the 130's. That's 4 DECADES of weight loss!

I've met amazing people. I've been inspired and apparently, I inspire.

I finally can see myself down near goal. I can see myself under 100kgs. I can see myself in a size 14 again. I can see myself running 10 kms NON STOP!

I can see the happiness in my husbands face. The cheers from my beautiful kids. The proudness in my parents eyes... I know they've wanted this for me for so long. My sisters are so unbelievably supportive and I love them more than they know for what they've done for me. The support from other family and friends. My PT's for just being AMAZING, especially Rae who has been here where I have. She's not afraid to tell me like it is, she knows my limits, she knows how to push me and she's just such an awesome friend and such an inspirational person herself. My forum buddies who have been through this with me from day one. Through my ups and downs, listening to my bragging all the time (sorry ladies!!!! ). They've spurred me on and encouraged me.

This morning I stood on the scales happy in the knowledge that even if they don't come up with a number that makes me happy, I have achieved so much. I can run!! I bust my ass training. I work hard. I eat well and I am HAPPY! It doesn't matter really how long it takes me to get this weight off, as long as it comes off. To think about where I was just over  months ago is so scary. To think about where I am today and what I've done to get here... I finally LOVE myself for it. I've not loved myself for a very long time and I'm going to embrace and nurture this feeling.... this is certainly not the end just yet.

So I made it. Week 12! 26.1kgs down (so far). AMAZING! I've done some pretty awesome things this round and gosh I hope that just one person reads my blog and gains some sort of inspiration for themselves from it. I want other people who are where I was, to know that it CAN BE DONE! IT CAN! Don't doubt yourself! I was one of those doubters for so many years.....
My reward for lasting the 12 weeks is not a block of chocolate. Not a meal out at my favourite restaurant. Nothing food based at all. My reward for my hard work is MORE HARD WORK! I'm going to do my 1km time trial Saturday morning before my PT session, followed by my very first spin class, followed by my very first pump class. I want to do something that's out of my comfort zone. I know it will be a hard slog, and I'm prepared for the hurt. I cannot WAIT to tackle it though. Heck, I've lost 26.1kgs... I CAN DO ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, November 28, 2011

It's not everyday a famous person talks about you to an audience of nearly 40,000 people!!
Today I was shocked when a friend messaged me and told me that I had been mentioned in a facebook post on the 12wbt. Gosh... I get so excited for my friends when they get a mention, but little ol' me?

It was about my 12km effort. I knew it was a slog... heck my legs turned to jelly not to long after I got home, but to have someone like Mish and her 12wbt team notice my effort, even though it's probably not alot for some of those really fit and healthy people out there, was a huge shock and an even greater Honour.

I have been so inspired by so so many people during this, my first round of the 12wbt. I have a couple of groups on FB that I talk to often.... My 'M' girls (they know who they are!) who I talk to daily, often several times a day. They were the first people other than those running the 12wbt who knew my weight, who saw my before pics, who heard all about my ups and downs. They've been such a wonderful group to be a part of and I'm forever grateful to each and every one of them. They inspire me to be who I am today.

The people on the forums are just as amazing. It's so nice to go onto a forum that's so full of love and positive energy. There is always someone around with some wonderful advice, or some encouraging words.

And then to have the big wigs - the trainers, the dieticians, the people behind the 12wbt notice my posts... it's such a warm fuzzy feeling.  I'm so grateful to so many people, it's hard to know where to start!

Mish, you've nailed it. You've created a fool proof program. A program that can be followed for life. A program that allows people to be themselves, but also find themselves. To make themselves into better versions. You've created a warm space. A super friendly forum with such a wealth of knowledge. For the last 15 odd weeks I've had excitement running through my veins. I've been so excited from the outset and that feeling has not dulled down. I'm excited to see that yes, the numbers DO move. I CAN do anything I put my mind to. It's really not as hard as everyone makes it out to be, this weight loss caper.

Losing weight can be done. You have to find that belief in yourself. Once you've found that golden ticket, the doors to everything you've ever dreamed of can finally be opened.

Get out there and have a crack! Seriously... if someone like me can do something like this, anyone can. I truly believe in this program. I've got the numbers, the experiences and the life to prove it!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011


25 kgs lost !!!!!!!!!!!
I was so excited to step on the scales this morning and see 138.0kgs staring right back at me. It's SOOOOOO nice to be down in the 130's.
Last night, I conquered my first 12km walk/run. I'd previously done 8kms and wanted to better myself and I also have a goal of smashing out 30kms this week.
I was stuffed when I got back. I did week 5 day 1 of the couch 25k program in the middle and I'm astounded that at this size I can actually run for 5 mins straight and not die.
Last night was also my first continual 1000cal burn. Normally, I will do my SSS's over several sessions in the day. I did it all in one without stopping, burning 1125cals. I also did the 12kms in 1hr49mins and 30 seconds which for someone of my size I think is pretty good... I certainly didn't break any records by my aim was under 2 hours and I got it.

This program has done so much for me. I don't want to waffle on about it too much for fear of boring people, but I'm just astonished with what I've accomplished in such a short time... and it really hasn't been THAT hard! I've had family living with us for nearly the entire program and I've still managed to kick goals. I possibly could have done a little better, but I try not to think about it like that.

I cannot WAIT to get back into it next round. I'm hoping that in the 'off season' I can get another 10kgs off. I should be able to. I CAN! I want to have lost 50kgs total by the end of April next year - that's a bit over 5 months for 25kgs... only 5kgs a month. I can do that! That's not a big ask at all. The Christmas period will test me, but I am determined not to fall off the wagon totally. I'm determined to get back into it. This is my new life now. This is how I will train and eat forever from now on. I don't remember how I was before I started the 12wbt which is awesome in itself.

I cannot believe there is only 1 weigh in left. This has flown. I always thought that within the first few weeks I would fall off and quit. I got to 4 weeks and although I did have a pretty hefty gain, I was still going. I got to 8 weeks and was amazed. I'm now sitting in week 11 and I've got 7 days until my final weigh in. I'm going to make it count and go out with a bang... although it's not the end. There is no end. This is for life.

ETA: I also want to do a massive shout out to my good friend R, who today weighed in at under 100kgs. She's not doing the 12wbt, but she has managed to lose more than 50kgs this year alone. I'm so excited for you R!! You rock!!

Monday, November 21, 2011

So I think I'm going to have to wok on my dependancy on my scales - I am weighing in nearly everyday (and sometimes MORE!!).
I try to tell myself that it could be worse.... I could be addicted to soft drinks or fast food. The scales addiction can't be THAT bad. I'm sure it does have a bit of an effect mentally though.

Last night I was so close to being sick. I'd been fine all day, eaten and drank plenty (although I could have had a little more water....) I went for my 8km run/walk in which I managed 30 minutes of running all up (in intervals, so not all at once). I felt fine. About an hour after getting home I suddenly felt rather ill, weak and dizzy. I sat and relaxed and it was ok. I got back up to do something and felt horrible again so sent myself to bed. I've felt fine ever since and had my yummy poached eggs this morning. It's like it never happened.

I did weigh myself this morning and I was 500 grams away from my 25kg goal, although I'm sure some of that is from not eating enough yesterday as I didn't have dinner. I REALLY hope I can keep it off.... I'd love to lose 26+kgs over the 12wbt and preseason.... that would make my bloody year!!

Regardless, I've worked damned hard since August 15th, and even with my little stuff ups and my one weight gain one week (which was rather large), I've done an awesome job to get this far. I class this as one of my few success stories. I'm not normally someone who continues plans like this so that alone is a big achievement.

9 days left of the 12wbt.... and I'm going to JFDI!

Friday, November 18, 2011

Only 6.6kgs until my Christmas goal now.... I just cracked the 139kg  mark( I've just weighed in at 139.6)!! This is the most excited I've been yet because I haven't been in this weight bracket for around 5 years :)

1.6kgs until my 12wbt 25kg goal.... can I do it? I must make sure I train hard and eat clean this weekend and every day until Wednesday. I CAN I CAN I CAN!!!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

I had a bit of a wardrobe cleanout today. I had to do a spring clean of my room so decided to try on a few things I was wearing 13 weeks ago.... Well, there's a pair of denim shorts that haven't stayed up for at least 8 weeks that I've had to put away, a pair of my fave jeans, a few tops and a jacket. All WAY too big!! OMG YES!! Clothes that are actually TOO BIG for ME!! I never thought I'd see the day!

So I've kept them. I've put them aside to use as my "wholly crap look how much weight I've lost... look at the mammoth clothes I used to wear" outfits. I'm envisaging myself standing in one leg of my jeans in 12 months time.... fingers crossed that's how it goes.

It's weird. I never thought I was as big as I was.  I never thought in my wildest dreams that I'd lose weight either.... and here I am, whether I can see it myself or not. The numbers don't lie (but my eyes and brain certainly do!).

So goodbye sizes 24-26 (yes, I'm ashamed to admit I was in a size 26 at my biggest just 13 odd weeks ago). Hello size 20 jeans that I got on today :) I can still fit into some of my old stuff, so I'll be keeping it until it falls off me. I can't afford to buy clothes every few weeks! haha.
 I used to buy size 24 clothing and squeeze myself into them... never wanting to admit that I was really a 26. Now I'm fitting in size 20 jeans of all things. I've also got a couple of size 20 tops that fit and although not everything in that bracket can go on just yet, I know it's only a matter of weeks away really. I have a size 20 top that my Mum bought me a few weeks ago that I'm hoping fits me for Christmas day.... I'm planning on a loss of 7.4kgs by then so with any luck it will fit.

Next stop.... size 18 clothing that I haven't been in for 9 years!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Here's where it gets scary..... the big reveal!

Ok so I've finally found a pic from 'before'. It's from July 2011 about 6 or so weeks before I started the 12wbt and about 3-4 weeks before I even found out about it.
The pic to the right is of me on Monday night (Nov 15th 2011) at a concert with my spunky SIL.

I have underwear full body shots, but only from the first week of round 1, none from day 1 of preseason. Preseason I dropped half of the weight I have now lost. I'm a little disappointed that I don't have any comparison pics from then, but I'll be making sure I take more photos from now on.

Now, I know that there are people on here that actually know me IRL who probably don't realise it's ME. Surprise! haha Some people will have seen this before as I've shown this to some of my closest weight loss buddies. Others won't have the foggiest, but I thought I'd put it out there anyway.

So... here goes.

July 2011 / Nov 2011
22.6kgs difference

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

My disappearing act

The comments are coming more and more often now.
On Sunday I was 400 grams from finally breaking into the 130kg bracket (139.9kgs) and I got a tad excited. After those pics didn't really fill me with a great deal of confidence, at least the scales were being nice.

I'm always being asked about how I'm going about losing the weight. People are genuinely interested in what I'm doing. I get comments about my weight loss nearly every day now which is great... I LOVE hearing those!
I got told on the kinder pick up run that I'm "disappearing right before my eyes", and then told what a wonderful job I'm doing and to keep it up. I draw on those sources of encouragement on my tough days and they help get me through.

Last night I did a last minute concert. Dinner was not great but wouldn't have been much over my calorie allowance Brekky this morning also not great, but I'm making sure I keep the water up and I made sure I had a good lunch. Dinner tonight will also be tailored to fit into my 1200cal allowance.

I enjoyed myself, didn't sleep very well though. I can see now that if I do have a bad night's sleep, that I will have to work very hard to keep on top of my eating habits. It's so very easy to say "Bugger it! I'm too tired to get anything decent" and head straight for the crap. Not me. Not today.

More water please!

Sunday, November 13, 2011

So today I decided to take some comparison pics. I didn't take any pics on day one of preseason and I'm kicking myself for not doing that. I will never see the full 21.4kgs loss in pics which is a shame.... so anyone reading this who is starting next season ... TAKE DAY 1 OF PRESEASON PICS!!!

I'm umming and ahhing about actually putting them on here. I like that they'll be a daily reminder but I'm not so sure that I should be showing people a 150.7kg pic versus a 141.6kg pic.... you may just lose 5kgs and your lunch after veiwing them.

Maybe I'll wait. Maybe I'll give it another 10kgs before I start showing pics. It's hard enough for me to see the changes.

I'm currently in a world of pain due to yesterday morning's PT session. I will have buns of steel by Christmas at this rate!! My Sat trainer kicks our arses!
Looking forward to some more training this week. I was meant to do a 10km walk/run tonight but I'll have to shorten it due to diminishing daylight hours and being absolutely stuffed after my huge day yesterday and busting my chops at a bunnings bbq today. Sore legs.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Weigh in Wednesday and TTOTM

So it's weigh in Wednesday. Normally I'm really keen to see how I've gone, hoping for certain numbers since my peek the night before.... I'm so hopeless that I weigh myself most days. Nuffy.

Anyway, my scales up and died on me on the weekend. I got some new batteries but they were the wrong size and I can't just go to the local gum tree and exchange them...
So I haven't been able to peek at all. I've trained. I could have trained harder, but I still got off my ass. I did have an interesting Saturday for hubby's birthday where we had pizza for dinner and I think we even had something crappy for lunch. Was naughty, but I can do that every so often.

Anyway, I knew TTOTM was due and I have been praying that it arrived soon... It arrived yesterday and today I feel so bloated and yuck.
Yesterday I craved all the naughty stuff. I had some chocolate, but then felt so stupid. I threw the rest of the block in the bin. SCORE!
I had a tough time with the kids and was having a horrible day, so I ended up devouring 2 bowls of salt and vinegar chips. YUCK! I was so angry with myself that they too met their destiny in the garbage disposal.

Throwing my 'used to be' fave foods in the bin.... I've come a long way in the last 12 weeks.

Last night before my double PT session, I went for a run. I'd been hanging out ALL day to go and finally got the opportunity.
I ended up burning a combined total of 832 cals with my run and PT sessions which was pretty good for me.

Anyway to my weigh in. With all this bloating, water retention and naughty-ness I expected a bad morning.  I was pleasantly surprised when I got on the scales this morning (after doing a switcheroo with another scales set of batteries) and saw a 400 gram loss. I will take that!!

So 21.4kgs down since August 15th. 8.6kgs to go to my 30kg Christmas goal.

Today is my rest day. I don't have anymore shitty food in the house so if I get that sweet craving again I will have to put up with yoghurt and hot choc. Not that I really have to 'put up' with those foods anymore.... YUM!

Monday, November 7, 2011

Last night after my post, I went for a run.
Well, a run might be exaggerating a little.... I did my week 2 day 1 couch to 5k along with a LOT of brisk walking. I managed to get 8kms done last night and burn 716cals which I was pretty happy with.

I'm now going to have my own time trial for my 8km track.

This week we've been challenged to burn 1000 cals 3 times.
Today would normally have smashed that but due to a meeting, I'll be lucky to get my 500.
Tomorrow I'm planning on my 8km walk/shuffle again and then a double PT tomorrow night. That should well and truly burn the 1000. Weds is rest day and with Thursday and Friday being 8km days (700+cals), it's left to Saturday where I'll have my PT followed by tennis (should be at least 1300 cals) and sunday I'm pulling out a 10km walk/jog/shuffle track to see just how I go.

I HAVE to incorporate running now. Walking just isn't cutting it. I'm only just inside the 140's and I really thought walking would be good until I got down near 100! I noticed last night that my usual brisk walk only gets my HR up to 140 instead of the 160's I was getting 8 weeks ago. Insane!

Bring it though! I think I'm going to enjoy my running, and my ever shrinking husband is keen for more aswell.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

You can tell I'm slipping a little.... look how far it is between posts!!

Things are going well.... I wouldn't say amazing because there are slip ups pretty much weekly now, but everytime I get back on track and get right back into it again.

I finally got over that 20kgs lost goal last week. I've now lost 21kgs on the dot since day one of preseason (August 15th).  I tried on my super tight pair of jeans the other day.... they do now only just fit. I have to pull them up constantly and they are looking a tad silly.

I guess the hardest part of the whole 21kgs lost is that it doesn't actually LOOK like I've lost heaps. Well, certainly not to me and the only real comments I get now are "I can see it in your face". If I was 50kgs lighter and had lost 21kgs, I'm sure it would be much more noticable.

I do get quite a few comments from family now though which is good because they are the ones who know me best.

It's tough. I keep seeing that 163kg chick staring back at me in the mirror. I know that I'm actually 21kgs lighter on the scales, but in my eyes there really is no difference.
The stupid mind games are taking a grip at times and it's so hard to shake them off.

My eating is certainly not perfect. I am indulging... but it's a different indulgence to that of 12 weeks ago. I cannot stomach too much food these days though and I do like that. I also like the fact that after I have touched that shitty junk food, my stomach cries out in pain and I feel horribly sick. I'm glad that I get that feeling. I tell myself how much I used to enjoy pizza, maccas etc, but now I just can't stomach a great deal of it. It's a good thing... I wish I couldn't stand it at all though so I just wouldn't ever touch it!

I've been slack with the mindset videos. I have the whole "I don't have time" excuse thing happening and I'm so sure that I'm missing out on so much by not watching them. My homework for the week is to watch every single mindset video from week 1 to week 9 and get my head back in the game 100%. We still have family living here for another few weeks and whilst I've been doing well, I'll be glad to be able to rid the house of all of the temptations.

I did my fitness test mainly today and I've improved almost everywhere. My Ab stage is the same and will be for quite some time, but I smashed over 2 minutes off my week 4 1km time trial and I pretty much ran the entire way. My Saturday morning trainer thinks I'll be running 3kms non stop by Christmas.... I told her she's dreaming but I think she's determined and my Saturday mornings will consist of lake laps from now until then, guaranteed!

So things are going well, but certainly could go better. I know I need this program for quite some time yet and I am determined to give it my all next round.... I cannot say I've given it my all this round and although there have been some great results, I know I should have done much better.

You live, you learn. Now I'm off for a run.