Thursday, August 4, 2011

I'm Fat

Yep, it's true. I'm morbidly obese. There are so many stories about how I got here but none of them are a good enough excuse.
I feel flat. I'm always tired. I can never find well fitting, trendy clothes - I have to resort to buying from plus size stores overseas to get anything half decent.
I'm gross really. I hate the way I look. I avoid mirrors and anything reflective at all costs. I don't like to look at myself and I think I have a distorted view of myself at times telling myself I'm not as big as I thought I was. Truth is I'm probably bigger.

So, why now? Why all of a sudden?

The last week or so I've been seriously considering weight loss surgery - gastric banding. I have a wonderful friend who has gone down this path and the weight is just falling off her. I think I see it as being easier than having to alter my way of living (although I'm sure it's not!!!).
Anyway, hubby is not keen at all. He thinks it's far too drastic. I've spoken to friends who also think it's not the option for me.
After talking to some other ladies who are on the weightloss journey, I've decided to give the 12 Week Body Transformation by Michelle Bridges a go. It starts August 15th and I'm looking forward to it.
I've tried shake diets, weight watchers etc before. I did a program through fernwood many years ago and lost 10kgs, but just couldn't sustain it.
I'm now at a different point in my life. I have a husband and 2 wonderful young children. My body is starting to crack the shits with me, with my knee failing recently and requiring an appointment with a surgeon. I'm already dreaeding the YOU NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT speech that is inevitable.

I don't know how much I weight. At a GP in April he had me at 152kgs :( I NEVER thought I'd get this big.

I'm also SHIT SCARED!!! What happens when I fail (yep, see what I said there- WHEN. Not a great mindset to start off with is it?)?
I've failed every other weightloss attempt before, so why will this time be any different? Well for one, I want my knee to improve. I want to be able to continue playing netball and I'd LOVE to be fit enough to go up a grade where my skills should have me, but because I can't run a length of a netball court without dying... that's just not an option.

So here we are. 1 fat, unhappy, massively fussy eater who IS going to get off her arse and lose some weight but more importantly - GET HEALTHY! This is it! I have to do it and I have to do it NOW!

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