Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Get Cracking

I've finally caught up with my preseason tasks. I've been so busy with the wedding, the kids, a new puppy and my mindset just not quite being in the right place that I'd fallen behind. I'm now up to date.

They are not as confrontational this time. I guess because I've already blerted out to everyone how heavy I was, how much I've lost and how much more I want to lose. The kitchen task will kick my arse as I allowed too much of the shit into my house over Christmas and I'm still struggling to clear it all out. It will be good though.

I'm now on the eating properly train again. THANK GOODNESS! I've eaten reasonably well yesterday and so far today and I'm hoping I can continue it. I'm also outside ALOT now with the new puppy and the kids which is only going to be a huge benefit.

All is pretty well, although I cannot shake these feelings I am having. Feelings of doubt in myself. Feelings of failure. Very similar to when I started last round, just not as strong.
See I feel like I can be a little complacent at times with my eating and training. I've lost the 30kgs, I haven't put any of it back on... it wasn't anywhere near as hard as I expected, and then I tell myself that I can have more than the occasional treat, that I don't HAVE to train tonight. In actual fact, I do! I have to be tougher on myself to get right back into the swing of things. I have to train even harder to burn the calories. I have to work harder on every aspect now then I did before because of the complacency.

Just because you can smash one round and drop a huge amount doesn't mean you're ready to go it alone. There are still so many things wrong with my mindset and so many things I STILL have to learn. I have to do this for the rest of my life... this is not a quick fix. I need to stop expecting it to be one.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Having a bad day?

Having a bad day? Look no further than your favourite weight loss blog!
These blogs are amazing!! They lift me up when I'm feeling really low and doubting myself. To read the amazing stories of others who are sharing this journey with me and others who have gone before me, is SO motivating!! If you haven't really linked up with many people following the program, I advise that you do. This family is AMAZING! You can learn so much from them, share all your ups and downs with them, and help celebrate their achievements along with your own. And my number one tip? BRAG THE SHIT OUTTA YOURSELF!! Seriously, brag away!! If you've achieved something you never thought you'd do, lost an amount of weight you never thought you'd lose, anything that is brag worthy, DO NOT HOLD BACK!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this program. My mindset 99% of the time is in AWESOME mode. I'm not going to lie, I have my crappy days. I often feel like I'm the same size and weight that I was 30kgs ago. Yep, seriously. I can feel the clothes, I can see the differences in photos but my mind tends to block that out. I still haven't learnt to love myself which is really quite sad when you think about it.

WOMAN!! Look how far you've come!!! From being buggered after climbing one flight of stairs, to running 6.5kms straight! 2-3 clothing sizes down (although I always go back to those size 26's when I go shopping. :S). over 1 metre lost in measurements. SERIOUSLY!! This brain needs to catch up!

I guess when you've been the size and weight I have been, when you've hit the lows that I have and you haven't cared an ounce for yourself for at least 8 years, it's going to take a while to readjust your thinking. It didn't go from happy skinny Nicky to Angry, uncaring, depressed Nicky overnight.... it took years. Just as the weight did to pile on, it's going to take time to come off. It's going to take determination and EFFORT. You can't just sit there with a great big sooky la la, teenage angst mood and blame the world, you have to GET OFF YOUR ARSE, EAT RIGHT AND TRAIN HARD!!
There are NO magical cures. If there was you wouldn't be where you are now. There are no EASY ways, no shortcuts. You have to DO the work to get the RESULTS!

Why has it taken me nearly 10 years to realise all of this? How does one little program change nearly everything in my head? It's like a switch has been flicked and we're in awesome, kick ass mode. Love it!

I can't take all the credit and I can't give ALL of the credit to the program itself.... the support from those around me and those I have met through the program has been my saviour. I started last round thinking "I can't lose the weight. I'll have a crack, but I bet by the third week I'll be scoffing all the same shit again". I have never thought myself to be someone who can actually FINISH something. Ever since I gave Uni away when I was 18, I've been a quitter. Things get too hard, I quit. Things upset me too much, I quit.

Not anymore!!

This break over the holiday period hasn't done me too many favours on the weight loss side of things, but it has shown me that I need to be on top of things ALL of the time. I can't go gung ho for a week, then have 2 weeks off and expect it not to affect me. I have my sisters wedding this weekend and I've pretty much written this week off. I'm not training due to the hip (hobbling down the isle like peg leg Pete is not really ideal in a maxi dress.... ), but I'm concentrating more on the food side of things. The food is where I go wrong everytime and I need to harness that. That inner labrador as Mish says. She's been getting her way for a few weeks now, but not any longer. Once this weeding has been celebrated (and I'll be celebrating the HECK out of it! haha), I'll be  back on weight loss highway, going south.

Friday, January 20, 2012

The perils of sick children and being totally disorganised...

So last week I wasn't well. I had an infection which thankfully, some strong AB's fixed. A few days of not being able to eat, shivering, sweating etc... not my idea of fun.
Anyway, I'm back in the training this week and enjoying every moment of it. It's those moments that I'm not training that have been tough. Two unhappy, very sick toddlers. GASTRO. ARGH!!!!!
It's not been the most enjoyable week. My daughter started having symptoms last Monday afternoon and then my Son started on Wednesday. Thankfully, today has been vomit free and I have enough towels again after the billionth load this week.
What the past 2 weeks have taught me, is BE ORGANISED!! Being the 'off season' I have to plan my own meals and since being ill myself, I've not done that. This is how the shit creeps in. If you don't plan, it quickly turns south on you.
So I'm struggling with my eating at the moment. The training is really coming together although I seem to have an overuse injury to my hip, but nothing a bit of voltaren can't help during each session.
I NEED to eat better. I NEED to clear the house of the shit that my husband and friends have dragged in over the festive season. I HAVE to do this for myself. It wasn't that hard last round.... why am I struggling so much now?

Time to screw that head on. Time to tackle the excuses task. Funnily enough, the reason I haven't done it sounds a bit like a piss poor excuse as it is - I want to have plenty of time to sit and think and REALLY get into the nitty gritty of my excuses. I WANT this to REALLY push buttons and flick switches. Time is something I don't have a lot of with two sick toddlers, but I'll find it and it WILL be done by the end of the day this Sunday.

Bring on week 1 already though!! Looking forward to it.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

It's training again!

So it's no secret that my training sort of, died off over the Christmas Break. I hit a massive high with the completion of my first ever fun run.... a whole 15kms. Technically I didn't run the whole way, but the first 6.5kms of that fun run were mine and I conquered them. I was unsure of how I would go with the rest of the 15kms so decided to walk to make sure I made it.... which I did. I was so pleased with myself and was at the fittest I had been in years. Then came Christmas. All the PT sessions stopped for a few weeks, classes stopped, things took time off and here I was at home with tonnes of food and no real motivation to get out there.

I regret that now. I wish I had have trained harder and more often. I missed it like MAD!! My fitness has definitely suffered, but I know I can get back there again... and soon!
Last night was my first PT session for 2012. A double session and I LOVED it! It was hard and 4 weeks ago it would have been a session that didn't cause me too much grief, but having the time off has stuffed my fitness so I went as hard as I could and JFDI. I felt FANTASTIC afterwards. I had totally forgotten about that endorphin rush!
Tonight is my first netball training for the 2012 season. We have a new coach who knows nothing of my previous fitness levels, nothing of my 30kg weight loss. She will most likely see me as a very overweight, unfit chick attempting to keep up with everyone. I'm not silly, I know that I will struggle. While I've certainly gotten a hell of a lot fitter I'm still not up near the skinnies that play for our club. It will be at least 12 months before I get where they are. I'm hoping that it doesn't have too much of an affect on how this new coach views me and I hope she can see some skill behind the lycra. Time will tell.

As for everything else, I've managed to maintain my 30kg loss even with my sister's hens day and night and a couple of chip binge sessions. The way I eat and drink has certainly changed and it gives me hope that I will be able to live a full, happy, crappy food included on occasions life in the future.

50 weeks to lose 48 kgs. I'm going to do it!

ETA: Netball training completed. I didn't die which in itself is a miracle.
688 cals burnt in 58 mins. Avg HR 170. Max HR 197.... I was going hard. Still a way to go to keep up with all the skinny bitches, but I'm not too far behind. :)

Monday, January 16, 2012

Preseason and the 30kgs

Well, today is day one of preseason for round 1 of the 12wbt, 2012. WOW that's come around fast! I haven't been overly excited about this round beginning... I guess because I've been there and done it. I know what to expect and best of all, I KNOW I can do this! Today though, I'm a little excited. I'm excited that it's starting again. There seems to be a bit of a switch flick on when we get to an official starting point and I class today as one of those starting points. I have already planned my meals for the day and my training for tonight when the buster gets home from work. I cannot WAIT to get outside in the fresh air and go for a walk and a jog. Bring it on!

As for everything else, I hit that 30kgs goal last week. YES I HAVE LOST 30KGS!!!!!!! WOW!!!!!!
I read the first post I ever made in this blog and it really opens my eyes to just how far I've come. Not only how much weight I've lost, but that mindset change. It's almost like there's a different voice in my head these days. One that is looking out for me and wants the best for me. One that is positive and PROUD or me. I'm really enjoying the way I'm feeling and thinking.

And check out all my new followers! WOW! I'm honoured to share my journey with you all and I hope that it helps you in some way, even if it is just a bit of a chuckle here and there.

ROUND 1 for me begins TODAY!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

My first illness since starting... I blame it on a lack of exercise and crap food choices.

Seriously. I didn't get sick ONCE between August 15th and Last Saturday. Today I'm feeling like absolute crap on toast and have done since Sunday. I've got some important events coming up in the coming weeks that I CANNOT afford to be sick for, so it's off to a doc for me. I just hope they can give me SOMETHING that will help. I feel horrid! My Temp is pushing 40degrees once the panadol/nurofen wears off and I'm barely eating a thing.
On the slightly plus side, I do weigh nearly 1.5kgs less than my lowest weight from last round. I know once I start eating again it will all come back on, but it's nice to be only 1kg away from that 30kg goal :)

Friday, January 6, 2012


So, I've been playing with some numbers.
My ultimate goal is to lose 50kgs by August 15th. That's 222 days. That's just under 7kgs a month (approx 6.8kgs). That's approx 1.7kgs a week.
It's doable.... but boy that will be tough. I may need to reassess my timeline that I lose my 50kgs in. Perhaps I will leave it for now as motivation..... or maybe I will change my time line to December 31st.
Which will mean 360 days from now. Approximately 4.1kgs a month. Approx 1kg a week. I can certainly do this.

Either way, by December 31st, 2012 50kgs will be gone from my body FOR GOOD!

Holy cow! That's given me one giant headache!

Monday, January 2, 2012

I'm Back!!!
No I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. A couple of days after my last post, my computer packed it in and I've been computer-less until 1 hour ago. I didn't realise just how much my online support network meant to me though and I've managed to gain approx 2kgs since my final weigh in. I'm not going to let myself dwell on the gain.... life happens and I'm just going to get my arse right back into it again.

So I ended last round with a 27.5kgs loss total (from day 1 of preseason). My aim this round is to lose at least 20kgs from preseason until the end of the round and I WILL be attending the finale party in May (??). I cannot WAIT!! and I'd ideally love to be under the 100kg mark by then, but close enough will be good enough.

So much to talk about, so little time. I will be back very shortly but wanted to touch base and let you know that I haven't left. I've thought about this blog daily ever since my computer died and I will not be giving it up for quite some time yet!