Sunday, December 11, 2011

My latest comparison Pic

Just for fun (and because I actually half like this new pic of me)

Last night (Dec 10th 2011) - July 2011.
 27.5kgs difference.

Life after the official 'end'....

Yep, just because the round of 12wbt ends, doesn't mean my journey does. I've gone a little slack. Things are creeping in, BUT I am keeping on top of it all. I'm still training hard. My focus is still on losing weight, it HAS to be. I still have a fair way to go.

Had a 30th last night. Wasn't going to drink, but seeming as it coincided with the 12wbt finale party, I though why the heck not?! I've got something to celebrate too and just because I'm not at the party physically doesn't mean I have to miss out (or so I told myself). haha. 
I saw some people I haven't seen since this journey began and I was blown away with the lovely comments and compliments that people dished out to me. I actually felt like I looked half ok for the first time in a long time and I was more comfortable in such a public gathering than I can remember. Caught up with old friends, made a few new ones and had a great time. Didn't overdo it, but did feel it this morning although a couple of hours catch up sleep, lots of water and a rest have all helped a heap.

Our PT/Bootcamp session yesterday morning was INSANE! I am feeling that today more than anything. We had to push these huge truck tyres around the lake whilst running - about 1.5kms. We then did a heap of tyre flipping and more running. I really enjoyed it and know it worked me really hard. Tennis on top of that and I was stuffed. Very surprised we lasted until 2.30am this morning! haha. 

I've had a nice restful week and although I haven't really trained hard, my body is still shedding the weight. As of yesterday morning I'm officially 2.5kgs away from my 30kg Christmas goal, with plans to smash most of that out this week. I can certainly do this, I just have to kick my own arse into gear and eat well, train hard and JFDI!

Friday, December 9, 2011

Goodbye.... and Hello!

Yesterday I said goodbye to my depression for good. Yesterday I had my final counselling session in regards to my mental health. It was more just touching base with my counsellor, who is leaving her current practice. I wanted a bit of closure.
I knew in myself that I was in a good place. I knew that she'd be happy with where I was in my life at the moment, 'mentally healthy'. I felt I needed an ending to the depression story. For someone to in a round about way say.... 'Yep, there's nothing wrong with you anymore. You don't need medication, you don't need counselling. You can lead a normal life and not have to think about it anymore. You're cured!'
Which is not what was actually said.... but that's what I think to myself.. It was an ending that I needed to close that chapter of my life and hopefully never to return to.

The counselling sessions along with moving house all came together at the perfect time and I was finally free enough and confident enough to tackle my weight issues. A lot of my depression was caused by my weight issues, my severe lack of self esteem and because I just didn't give a crap about myself. I was lucky... at THAT size I had a loving husband, adorable kids, an awesome immediate family network.... I nearly had it all. I just thought myself blessed to have those and that even considering looking after myself and wishing for health would be rocking the boat too much. How wrong I was.

My counsellor said seeing me in the waiting room was a bit of a shock. She said she noticed the weight loss straight away. My session yesterday was a very short one.... it was me explaining what I've been doing over the last 4 ish months, Me voicing my slight concerns that I wasn't sure that I could continue it (I know that I can... and I WILL!), and then her reminding me how far I've come, how amazing I look and how impressed she was with everything I've done. That I've worked so hard on everything, I've let the little things that were holding me back go, and that I have such a bright future ahead of me now. Sure, it was a nice bit of an ego boost hearing her say those things and I did feel a little weird, but I HAVE worked hard. I've worked hard on my mental and my physical health. I've worked hard on loving myself again. I've worked hard to lose the weight and I'm determined to continue to work hard losing more and becoming the person I know I can be.

So, even though the 12wbt sort of 'ended'.... it really hasn't. Now is the test. Now is the time that I find out what I'm REALLY made of. Can I hack it? OF COURSE I CAN!! I've done this. Noone else has forced me to eat the way I do. Noone else has forced me to train the way I do. Noone has forced me to change my way of thinking. I've had the tools to allow me to do all of these things, but I've done it. Me. Myself. I DID IT and I will continue to.

This is life now. Watching what I eat, training my arse off. Keeping tabs on my numbers on those pesky scales. This is me. This is life and by gosh am I going to start living it.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

It's only the beginning!

If someone had told me 4 months ago that I was capable of losing nearly 30kgs, running at least 20mins non stop, jogging and walking 12kms and eating 1200 cals a day and not going hungry.... I would have smiled, scoffed quietly, and gone about my merry way eating myself to death. AS IF! The only way for someone of my size to lose weight is surgery. It's not my fault I got here. There must be some health issue that causes me to get fat. There must be some mental issue that causes me to only be able to eat shit. It's an addiction..... BLAH BLAH FUCKING BLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All I can think now is... what a CROCK!

If I wake up at 5am I don't try to get back to sleep.... why waste a good opportunity to burn cals??
If I get hungry, I go for the water.... why waste a good opportunity to flush the toxins from my system??
If I get bored.... I get up and I JFDI.

If I don't do it today... what am I going to lose tomorrow? What will I GAIN if I continue to sit on my ass or not exercise?

In 4 months, my entire life has changed. In 4 months I've gone from sloth to athlete(haha I use that term loosely of course). I've gone from sugar addict, to water addict. My mindset has changed. I'm an exercise junkie. I CARE about the number on the scales. I CARE about how well I'm feeling, how well I sleep. I CARE ABOUT ME and it's the first time in a very long time that I've given a stuff about myself. It's time to get a little selfish.

Today marks the 'official' end of the 12 week body transformation, but it marks the start of my toughest slog into my weightloss journey yet..... Being honest with myself, staying accountable and CONTINUING TO LOSE THE WEIGHT!

It's from here that I no longer have the program to answer to. I don't have to input a weight every week. I don't have a dietry plan to follow. I don't have an exercise plan to follow. I'm on my own (with TONNES of support should I add, which makes me VERY lucky).

It's up to ME now. I HAVE to continue on the path I'm on. If I fall off.... I get the hell back up and keep going. None of those piss poor excuses I used to have. There is noone else to blame but ME. I am responsible for my health, for my happiness and that in turn of my family. I HAVE to look after myself, to look after others.... it's really that simple.

To be honest, it scares me. That this is an 'ending'. Really I have to look at that as it is... a word that at this point in time means sweet bugger all. There is no END. There will never be a time in my life ever again where I don't check on my weight, where I don't make sure I'm eating well, where I don't get out and bust my arse. That will never ever happen again. I have come WAY too far to throw it in now!

So, I've lost 26.5kgs since August 15th. I've lost approx 90cms off my body measurements (it's quite possibly more... but the measuring didn't begin when my weightloss journey did). I've taken nearly 4 minutes off my 1km time trial. I can do more than double the pushups I was doing. I have improved in every area of the fitness testing.

I feel AMAZING! I sleep so soundly now. I haven't slept well in over 5 years. I am happy, TRULY happy. I am proud of myself. I do kick my own arse and tell myself off when I know I've done wrong, and I'm proud of myself for being able to do that.
I've made some amazing friends. I've come across some insanely inspiring stories, and been told that I am inspiring others. I've learnt so much about myself in the last 15 -16 weeks it's impossible to verbalise, but I am forever grateful for it. I've discovered a love for running and exercising in general (and after yesterday's first ever spin class... a bit of a like for bike riding but I'll give that a few more goes before using the big L word).

I cannot wait to continue on this journey. I've done this! I KNOW I can do this. My goal is to lose another 33.5kgs by the very last day in April.... 3.5kgs of those by Christmas.

This journey doesn't stop here. It's only the VERY beginning.  BRING ON ROUND 1 2012!!!