Sunday, February 19, 2012

It's been a humbling week.

Week 1 is still young (as we don't weigh in until Wednesday, which I dub my 'start of the 12wbt week'.
I've hit some major targets this week. I've done things I didn't think I'd do for quite some time yet, and I've exposed myself in the biggest possible way by showing pics of myself in my underwear - yep it's been a bit scary but also a bit awesome.

I am however, humbled with the response I've had. So many people using the word 'inspirational' to describe me. Me?! It's so nice to be thought of that way when 6 months ago I felt like I would never ever ever succeed at losing weight and I'd be resigned to being the Funny Fat Friend. The person who was always chirpy. 'Oh, you've got such a pretty face'. Horrendously unhappy, unhealthy and watching my life flash before my eyes.
You know, this blog started mainly for accountability. The first few weeks, I refused to give the address out. I didn't want anyone to find me. As I progressed, I opened myself up more and more and more.... and then found myself baring underwear shots to whomever would look at them! haha
I honestly never thought about this blog helping other people to begin with. It was a selfish act. I wanted it all written down to try and help ME. As I went on and saw other friends, accquaintances and even strangers who were struggling, who were trying to fight but feeling helpless, I decided to really open it up. I wanted to show people that it could be done. You don't have to hate yourself. You don't need to be helpless. There are people out there just like you who do it everyday. It's not your fate to be fat and die young.... YOU are the one who can control your future through your health.

I've always been a bit of a people person and I'm someone who's always wanting to help out where I can (if I can). I really enjoy trying to help others better themselves and I'm hoping once I've made it to the end of my journey and managed to keep all of this off for a while, that I'll be able to draw on my experiences and help others.

It's really important you have that support out there. I have no idea where I would be without all of my support. Family, friends, otehr 12wbters, my blog readers, my forum friends..... any person I've spoken with about my weightloss journey has helped me more than they will ever know. I truly don't know that I'd be any smaller than 163kgs right now if it weren't for my support network.

Yesterday, I went outside the square. On Saturday mornings I've organised a PT/bootcamp session at the local lake. It was through my sisters who were attending the more advanced 8.30am class. We started it last round and I just did not have the confidence or fitness level to even entertain the idea of completing this advanced bootcamp. I NEVER thought I'd be fit enough to attempt it. Yesterday, I did.
I did my 1km time trial when I first got to the lake at 7.30am. 8minutes and 3 seconds later I was done. My very first 1km time trial last round was approx 13 minutes. I was so stoked with my new time.... 8 minutes! WOW! I remember the first time I actually ran the entire 1km. I couldn't do it the first 2 times, but that time I did I was walking on clouds. I was so impressed. To have bettered my time is just amazing.After my 1km time trial, my pt/bootcamp session began at 7.45am. I have been inviting my local 12wbters to join me and every week I'd get 2-3 come along. Yesterday there was at least 12 of us. It was so exciting to see so many people come along and want to train along side me. The session went until 8.30am when the advanced session started. Blokes and chicks all decked out in their lycra fitness gear with bulging muscles..... it was SCARY!! But, I sucked it up and got on with it.
Sure, I was the slowest when running. I had no doubt that that would be the way it would go, BUT I made it through the entire session. I didn't stop. I did walk a few times.... I had just done a run and pt/bootcamp session directly before it, I figured I was allowed to.
I ended up burning 1200 calories all before 9.30am. Pretty chuffed with that. That is one of only a handful of times that I've actually done the SSS all in one go.

There is supposed to be a lesson in this story, but my Mum just called me halfway through posting.... so I'm lost! haha

Ah yes, You CAN do things that you've dreamed of. Anything is possible. You just have to put your mind to it.
Don't be afraid of failure. There is no such thing as failing if you get up and have a go.
And no matter how hard you fall off the weight loss wagon, the most important thing is how quickly you get back up again. We all have our bad days, heck I've munched on Bacon and cookies today!! But the difference is I will have a decent low cal dinner. I will drink lots of water. I will continue to train and I will work those extra calories off. I know where I've gone wrong and what to do to fix it.

Change your mindset, change your life. You CAN do this! Believe in yourself.

And thank you so so very much for all of your support. Here's to 2012 being the year of 50kgs down!

P.S. I'm being naughty and doing a Sunday blog hop this week (sorry Kate!). Check out all of these super inspiring other 12wbt blogs. Amazing people on an amazing journey.


Friday, February 17, 2012

Do I, Don't I....

I've been struggling with this all day. Do I or Don't I post my before pic for this round and a comparison from last round, on my blog for the entire world to see?

My first thought? No fricking WAY!!! EVERYONE has access to it! It freaked me out to be honest. I have shared it in 2 private facebook groups I am a part of and gotten awesome comments, but I was still skeptical.

Then I sat down and really thought about it. I have to OWN it. This is what I look like. This is who I am currently. I can't hide from it. It doesn't matter if I'm wearing clothes, it can still be seen. Everyone knows that a woman at 131kgs is morbidly obese. Huge. Overweight. It's no surprise to anyone who reads this blog to see 'fat' pictures. So why hold back? Why don't I just show the pics and hopefully I can inspire and touch other people out there who are struggling. I can show people that it IS possible. You can be 163kgs+ and you CAN LOSE WEIGHT! You don't have to do anything crazy. No fad diets, no pills, and you don't HAVE to have surgery... it's not your only option. You can eat healthy, exercise and lose weight. It really is as easy as it sounds.

So, here I am in all of my glory. I've got a long way to go yes, but my body is changing. I hope that these pics can help you understand where I've been, where I am, where I'm going and most importantly,  that weightloss, health and fitness is achieveable for ANYONE of any shape, size, gender, nationality, race etc etc etc. YOU CAN DO IT! Take my word for it... because I've done it and I'm going to keep doing it.

These photos show a 20kg difference. 150.7kgs - 131kgs. I don't have any 163kg underwear shots (thank goodness for that, hey!!)

                                            Sepetember 2011                      February 2012
Granny undies are PERFECT for those of us with baby belly hangover. These are the same underwear in both shots.... amazing to think that they couldn't even stretch over my stomach back in September.

So here it is. This is me. I'm not perfect, but I'm on my way.
Bring on this round. These pictures I will use daily to inspire me. I am NOT the 163kg (or 150.7kg) person I was 6 months ago. THIS IS ME NOW. I've worked hard, but not THAT hard.
Eat clean, Train mean and wave goodbye to that saggy baggy belly once and for all. This is my goal. I know I can do it!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Day 1 done and dusted!

I feel so awesome too! I've drunk 3 litres of water, I've trained hard ( OMG I totally LOVE LOVE LOVE boxing!!!) and I've eaten really cleanly! I'm so proud of myself! It seemed like such a huge shift I had to make, but in reality it was VERY easy - must remember that in the coming weeks. EATING CLEAN AND TRAINING MEAN IS EASY!!! JFDI!

I'm just about to sit down to dinner.... quite late I know, but I've been busy busy busy tonight and went to a boxing class. Nearly 600 cals in 1 hour which I was pretty happy with.

This will be a short post. I've got SO much to do tonight before bed (although I'm so ready to head there now!) and then I have to get up pretty early tomorrow to get right back into it. I've got a PT session locked in for 9.30am after I drop my kinder boy at his bus then drive the 50+min drive into town to drop my little girl off to childcare for a few hours. I'm going to train hard with PT and then probably go for a bit of a walk and jog and possibly aim for 1000 cals tomorrow (because I can).

I hope everyone who is new to the game had a great first day and realised that they indeed DO have plenty of power when it comes to their eating and training and that they CAN do it!

Bring on Wednesday weigh in!!


Sunday, February 12, 2012

And here we go!!

Tomorrow it starts again! I'm getting a little more excited now. I'm looking forward to really being right back into the thick of it. I don't know what it is about the official start of the round that gets me excited or in the right head space, but gosh I'm glad I'm there!!
Today our local 12wbters got together for a meet and greet/catch up. I didn't have the most amazing thing on the menu, but it wasn't THAT bad and I compensated by dismissing my snacks and staying light for my other meals.
I'm so excited that our local group is so big this round! We've gone from around 18-20 members last round to 69 and counting this round and I cannot wait to draw inspiration from them all. It's so nice to have newbies as well as 12wbt old hands who have kicked some serious butt following the program. I love our group!

We had a bootcamp session yesterday morning and a couple of our girls were first timers. They said they enjoyed it (I hope they weren't just trying to make me feel better for conning them into coming!!) and look forward to coming back. I LOVE my sessions, and yesterdays was a really good one - BOXING. I ♥ boxing!! I'm feeling a tad sore in my arms today, but it's not really much at all although the new girls are having a few muscular 'issues' today.

Today I haven't trained, but that's mainly because I burnt 1800 cals yesterday and I'm so tired! I think to make up for it, I will get up early and go for a run. I said I was going to do it tonight, but hubs is in the shed. I may pull the cross trainer out and have a crack for a little while though.... we'll see.

Pumped. I'm ready - FINALLY! Bring on this round. I have a 15kg goal that I want to get to. If I work my backside off I could certainly get over 20kgs off, but 15 seems a pretty good number for me at this point in time.

My plans for the week are to make sure I burn at LEAST 500 cals a day, closer to 1000 if possible and to EAT CLEAN!! That's going to be my biggest hurdle but one I'm hoping to overcome.

I just said no to an ice cream - WIN!

Friday, February 10, 2012

Doing the BLOG HOP

So after my daily stalk of all things 12wbt blog-wise, I came across this on one of my fave 12wbt blogger's page - Ange - From F**ked To Fab who found the blog hop on Kate's blog here.
It's called the 12WBT Fitness Friday Blog Hop. It will run each Friday where All bloggers participating will post their blog for the day and then add the link and voila - you're connected to all the hoppers to share in our amazing journey's!

So here's my introduction to the 12WBT Blog Hop world:

I'm Nicky. I've had a problem with my weight most of my life, but not ever to the extent I found myself in 5 months ago. I finally worked out something needed to be done and since joining the 12wbt in Round 3 last year, I've managed to lose 30kgs. I've got at least 48 more to shed before I find my happy place and I'm planning on those coming off in 2012.
You can read more about me here and you can see some pictures of the progress here.

This round I've found the preseason really tough to get back into. The break over Christmas has really shaken me and although I've not gained weight, I've not lost any either. I'm needing to really focus on my training and especially my eating this round and I'm hoping that the opening of week 1 is going to do it for me. I have an ultra supportive husband and family right behind me and a tonne of amazing friends and fellow 12wbters and bloggers helping me see what I need to do and inspiring me to do it.

My plan for the end of this round, is to have shed at least 15kgs and be running 10kms straight. I admit from here, it's a HUGE ask but I KNOW I can do it if I just knuckle down and have a real crack.

So come and join in the fun and support that this blog hop is surely to create.
Blog Hop Linky List:

Onwards and upwards

I feel a little better today. I've trained the last 2 nights (and enjoyed it!) and I've been eating pretty well (apart from the cupcake samples when I was making them with the kids yesterday). I jumped on the scales this morning (yes, I am a dirty daily weigher!!!! ) and I'm down about 900 grams which makes me feel a little better. I need to keep myself on track for the rest of the week though and make sure I'm getting back into it again. Hubby said to me this morning that we need to train more as he has put on some of the weight he lost last year and he doesn't like it. I know I'll have his support now.
I think I also feel a little better because the program opened last night for week 1. I can follow the recipes and really feel like we're actually doing the 12wbt now. I don't understand it, but it's different.
So bring on the awesome eating today. Bring on a nice long run tonight (which I WILL do... NO EXCUSES!!) and bootcamp and tennis tomorrow along with more awesome eating. It's time to stop dwelling on the things that I feel aren't going right, and get out there and work hard to MAKE them right.

Bring it on.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012


Seriously Nicky, WAKE UP TO YOURSELF!!
It's not hard!! Eat well + Train hard = lose weight.
WHY are you giving yourself permission to NOT follow this simple equation? WHY are you allowing yourself to  stuff this up? You seriously cannot afford to do this to yourself. You CAN NOT GIVE UP!
Brush it off, get back into it and WORK YOUR ARSE OFF! It's not going to get any smaller on it's own.

OWN what you are putting into your mouth. You've got a Labrador puppy outside who eats like she's never going to eat again in her life - You don't need to follow her!!!!

WAKE UP TRAIN HARD EAT WELL. it's not hard. You KNOW you can do it, so stop holding yourself back and just GET ON WITH IT!

That feels a little better. Today's weigh in was me sitting at the same weight I have for 4 weeks. Yes, the exact same weight. Stupid isn't it? I've never plateaued before and I know why I am. I'm just very fricking lucky that I'm not gaining.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Fitter, Faster, Stronger

Monday. It's nice to see it again, although so far from the weekend still.
I feel better today. I got that last lot of crud out of my system. I burnt over 1700 cals on Saturday playing tennis and doing an early morning bootcamp session. That made me feel a lot better.
We went out for my sisters birthday and I ordered the small pumpkin risotto and avoided anything deep fried. I also skipped the birthday cake... my small bowl of risotto was well and truly enough.

I've spent the last day or so telling myself off. I've been giving myself permission to make excuses as to why I might fail this round. Giving myself permission to doubt myself. What the heck was that? I have no need for the 'd' word in my vocabulary any longer. I KNOW I can do this and I bloody well WILL!

I've started off today well. I've had my standard poached eggs breakfast and am aiming to drink 3 litres of water today, of which I'm 500mls down already (and I'd better get cracking!). I'm having my mushroom risotto for lunch and I think tonight will be a prawns and salad dish. Something nice and fresh and easy to prepare. I've then got strength training tonight and I'll be busting my chops until I hit that 500 cal mark.

It's a new week. I can start again. I give myself permission to rise from my weekend low point and seriously kick some calorie arse! NO MORE EXCUSES! It's now or never!! Remember what you pledged to yourself at the beginning of last round?
The time is now. I WILL be 20kgs lighter by the end of May 2012. I WILL drop the remaining 48kgs total by New Years Eve 2012.
Fitter, faster, stronger. There's no turning back now!

Saturday, February 4, 2012

And the black clouds come rolling in....

I'm beginning to doubt myself... Big Time! I'm doubting that I'll actually ever be able to get to my goal. I'm doubting that I'll lose ANY more weight at all! I'm doubting my fitness, I'm doubting everything. It's a horrible place to be in, especially when I've done 30kgs fairly easily and I've got so many people watching my every move.
It's SCARY! I feel like I'm a disappointment because I haven't lost any weight in the last few weeks. I'm sitting in the same spot I have been since Christmas. I feel like I will NEVER get under 100kgs at this rate, let alone reach my goal.

Why do this to myself? I thought I'd come so far! I thought I'd gotten past all these 'demons' in my mind. JFDI and all that.

This round is going to be harder and it will be my ultimate test. If I don't make it through this round, I'm going to be a huge disappointment to so many people, including myself.
The stupid thing is, I KNOW I can do this. I've DONE it before!!!!! Why is my brain doing this to me now?
I hope something flicks into place on day 1. I really do. At the moment, I'm not liking my chances of a successful round 1.
I'm scared.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Bloating away....

Stupid AF (or TTOTM for those who know it as that).
Being a chick a fair amount of the time sucks, it really does. We have to deal with these monthly visits, the associated pain, the pain of childbirth, the pain of recovering from childbirth, the pain of easier weight gain and harder weight loss than our male counterparts.... need I go on?
AF make me bloat now. I'm not too bad today, I've been worse in the last few months. Before I started losing weight, I never noticed any bloating, nor did I notice the mood swings etc. I realised half way through last round that not only was my weight disgusting and my fitness levels poor, my hormones must have been severely affected. My body reacts in totally different ways now, now that I've lost nearly 1/5th of myself. It's really WEIRD! I thought I knew everything there was to know about myself, but I'm learning more and more as I go along.

It's interesting the changes.

Last night for the first time in 5 months, I was DREADING training. I wasn't looking forward to working out. I NEVER have that problem! Exercise is the one thing that I do not struggle with in my journey. I love it. Even the dirty lycra contraptions we are made to wear playing netball.... :S
I was close to giving training the flick last night, but I didn't. I applied the 10 minute rule and it got me through.
The 10 minute Rule: If you feel like you really don't want to train, get up and go for 10 minutes. If after those 10 minutes you really want to stop, then stop.
I found after 10 mins I was right into it and really keen to see out the rest of the training session.
I guess it's not just the idea of our netball training sessions being really tough at the moment ( LOTS of running - we are focused on fitness during this pre season). It's probably got more to do with the fact that I am the biggest player in the club. I was the last 2 seasons as well and it didn't worry me overly (of course I thought about it a lot), but this season quite a few of my club mates know that I've lost weight. I think about what they expect in terms of my fitness now. That they expect me still at 133kgs to be able to sprint with the best of them - I can't. I don't know that I ever will. I was never renowned for my speedy and agility, more for my skills and stamina. I KNOW that I've got so much more stamina and overall fitness than I did last season.... I do worry that no one can see that though.

If only I could keep myself busy long enough that I didn't even have a chance to think about these stupid things.

I did notice today that my blog has had 3,000 hits! Wow! I never thought about getting past 3! haha. It's not well written by any means, but it is everything that spews out of my head when I sit to type. It's raw, it's real and it's honest. I hope that people can appreciate how hard it is for me to release some of this to the public.
5 months ago there was no way in hell I EVER would have put my name to anything like this, let alone share it AND have pictures of myself on here!
There are those changes again. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I like to think that with each kg of weight lost, with each kg of fat removed from my body, I have the room to grow emotionally. To change as a person, for the better.