Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Back into the grind again yesterday with kinder for DS. I'd mentioned my determination to exercise more and another Mum said that she'd like to do something maybe when Kinder was on. So I sent her a message and we met up and went for a 1.5 hour walk. I didn't wear my HRM, but it was a decent walk. Really enjoyed it and we are going to do it as often as possible and already have a date for next Monday :)
Monday nights are normally a strength training class but last night it was cancelled. I was quite peeved and I was really looking forward to it (and I LOVE that I was peeved about missing some exercise!!!).
Today I've taken it easy. Lots of incidental exercise and then PT tonight which was full of boxing. My poor arms!!! In 37 mins I burned 242 calories which wasn't too bad. My PT also did my measurements and has them on record and when I've actually lost some cms I might be brave enough to post them.... but not tonight.

Scales should be here tomorrow. I will weigh myself as soon as I get them and I WILL own that number and record it both in my blog and on the forum. Noone else got me to this number... I only have myself to blame and I need to take ownership of it and kick it's arse!

Tomorrow is playgroup and I'll come home and either do some wii or jump on the exercise bike... probably both.  There is a class that I REALLY want to go to tomorrow night, but life is getting in the way this week.

Tonight's dinner was the chicken sang choy bow from the crunchtime cookbook. I did alter the veggie content to what I had in the house, but it's a dish I will have again :)  YUM!

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Weekends can be evil...

Ooo Weekends are going to be tricky little buggers, aren't they?!
Yesterday we went on a day trip to visit family. I made sure I had breakfast before we went and because we left so early in the morning there really wasn't time for any exercise. Therefore yesterday was dubbed "rest day".
I took some rice crackers and a protein bar for snacks in case I got hungry and planned on a sandwhich/salad for lunch depending on where we were.
So the morning went great. I drank heaps of water and wasn't really hungry until lunch time. The plan was to grab some salad and rolls from the supermarket and go crazy. Well, plans change. Fish and Chips were the order of the day and I wasn't too worried because I've been so good for a fortnight.
Naughty!! I felt guilty after agreeing, so I ordered as healthily as I could - a peice of grilled fish and 2 steamed dim sims. Unfortunately, the steamed dim sims weren't included in the order and the fish wasn't going to be enough to sustain me until dinner time, so I opted to eat a potato cake and about 6-8 chips and that was it. Usually I'd down a couple of potato cakes, half a plate of chips, piece of fish, a couple of fried dim sims...... wash it down with coke and feel so sick afterwards. My mind is in a better place now and I did as well as I could have.

We left very late afternoon and I didn't feel hungry so the rice crackers and protein bar weren't touched - no snacks for the day.  We didn't get anywhere near home by dinner time and the kids were hungry so we decided to have a treat night. It had been such a long day and we were exhausted. The kids had KFC and we had subway ;) I think considering what I would have done not so long ago, yesterday was a good day! Iwouldn't have been much outside my calorie limit (I don't think), so was happy with how I'd went. 3 litres of water (I had a mouthful of coke.... I won't be doing that for a while!!). A good day :)

This morning I woke early and I went for an hours walk. I know, walks are supposed to be crap for burning calories but when you're this size anything that gets you moving it pretty good. I ended up burning 459 calories!! Stoked! I was a little tired afterwards (I was walking as fast as these little legs could carry me non stop!), but I've felt so great all day!
Grabbed a quick breakfast (poached eggs) and then was off to a tupperware party. Cakes, biscuits, party pies sausage rolls..... it was a MINEFIELD! I took a packet of rice crackers with me and was so good I had one serving of those (approx 12 crackers) and drank my water, very happy with myself for not stuffing up my day with fatty sugary crap!

So it's been an interesting weekend. I'm now home, safe in these walls where we don't have a lot of crap that can tempt me. Even if we did, I'm feeling so strong at the moment I wouldn't touch it ;)

Edit: I've just burnt another 186 cals doing Wii active :) Exercise bike was being naughty.
My total burnt for today is 645 baby!!!! I feel like I could burn a few more tonight, but I think I'll give myself a rest. No point going gang busters and being worn out for tomorrow :)

Friday, August 26, 2011

Learning something new each day

Today has been educational. I've learnt alot about how hard I should exercise which is obviously great knowledge to have.
I'll be putting the c25k on hold for the time being. I was training at well above 80% of my maximum heart rate and I think doing that for extended periods will only hurt me at the moment. Afterall, we are still in pre season and I'm happy to wait until we're given more direct orders when the program starts.

So from now on I'll be doing lower intensity exercise for a longer period of time starting with brisk walking. I'll need to do this for at least an hour and then probably another exercise at some stage during the day to hit the 500 calorie mark, but as long as I don't harm myself then it's all awesome.

Today was also very testing. It's Friday and after my week I decided I could chill on the couch for an hour and catch up with a DVD. Whilst sitting there, my daughter was in bed and my son was munching away on a pack of tiny teddies. I instantly thought "I need some chips" but then told myself off and stayed on the couch for another 30 minutes, wrestling with myself in my head. 30 mins and 2 glasses of water later and I was still wanting something to eat so I got up and headed for the pantry. The packet of corn chips was picked up and flipped over before nearly being dropped! I thought I might have the serving size of the chips as my snack, thinking to myself it couldn't be very high in cals if it's just the serving size. Imagine my surprise and horror when I saw 233 calories per 40gram serve!! That's like, 2 chips! Well, I threw them back in the cupboard. There was no way I was destroying my hard work over the last 12 days for 2 chips! Dinner would have been a couple of lettuce leaves instead of my beautiful salmon fillet! So I reached for my 100 calorie protein bar and I grabbed a hot chocolate sachet. All up - 147 calories. MUCH better and would keep me well within my daily limit.
It didn't feel like much of a win because I've had quite a few small wins like this in the last 12 days, but it was a huge breakthrough. To go this long without satisfying my cravings is such a big deal for me.

Tonight I've had some thoughts. Thoughts of grabbing something to munch on not because I'm hungry, but because we had an early dinner and it's what I normally used to do. I've stopped myself for now, but these thoughts will make their way back in, most likely tomorrow whilst we are away from home visiting family. It will be a test but I'm determined to win.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Me, the HRM, and the C25K - part 1.

So my Polar FT7 arrived today. I was so excited... like a little kid at Christmas! As soon as hubs gave me the package I tore it open and tried it in. I was worried that the ladies watch might not fit, but I've got heaps of room!
Anyway, after putting dinner in the oven (fish and chips from the crunchtime cookbook), I left Hubs with the kids and off I went to tackle week 1 day 1 of the Couch 2 5k program. This is a running program designed to get you going from not being able to run more than 20 metres (me), to running 5kms non stop in 9 weeks. I had started this program before and gotten to around week 3 or 4 and given up. I thought it might be a good way to get some exercise into my day.
So off I went.... 5 min warm up and intervals of 60secs running and 90 seconds walking with a 5 minute cool down. It went well, I was huffing and puffing away keeping an eye on my heart rate. Half way through during one of the walks I worked out how to see my calories burnt and was shocked to see only 120. I really thought being my size I'd most likely burn the 500 in the 30 minutes. So I pushed myself as hard as I could go. I didn't stop running during any of the running intervals and upped the walking speed. I tried to take larger strides and really push myself... I just HAD to get over 200. In the end, I burnt 212 cals. I must admit I am disappointed that that is all I burnt. Either I didn't push myself hard enough (although it really felt like I did!!) or maybe I'm a little fitter than I thought? I have no idea really, but at least I know where to aim from now on.
Thankfully earlier today I'd done 30 mins on the Wii so that made things a little better.

Looking forward to having another crack in the morning :)

Living where I do does have it's drawbacks when it comes to exercise. I live a good 50-60 mins from the nearest gym, so it's just not worth me bothering with that. I have however decided to do one class one day or night a week. After talking to my Mum and two sisters, we've decided to tackle a zumba class of a Thursday night. I've done Zumba once before, with my netball team as a pre season session. We were just having so much fun, laughing our heads off and really enjoying ourselves. I'm wanting to incorporate more things like that into my exercise regime to keep it from getting stale.

At the end of October our tennis season starts. I'm looking forward to getting into that and hopefully being the fittest I have been since I started playing 2 years ago. It's just a casual day out with the locals, although they do make mad afternoon teas and I'm going to have to make sure I take something for myself rather than indulge in the creamy fattie goodness that normally adorns the table. It shouldn't be a problem because I've face 2 of these situations in 11 days and didn't budge at all.

So things are still going well. I'm feeling good, eating well, still making great choices and enjoying myself.
Here's to Week 1 Day 2 and smashing out a few more calories :)

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

It's pretty awesome...

How after less than 10 days you can go from crazy, hard core, eat a double Quarter pounder meal and shovel in a dessert, sugar 'addicted', person to someone who really pushes themselves with exercise, makes all the right choices, doesn't fold when something's put in front of them, loving themselves and life type of person.
It's weird how it's all happened so quickly (and honestly, I worry that I can change back just as quickly!!).

This morning after smashing out my PT session last night and feeling rather sore and sorry for myself, I did it. I just got myself out of bed early to go for a morning walk/jog. I wasn't going to... just like every other day I've said I would and haven't. This morning was different. I actually said to myself "just fricking DO IT!". It was great! I felt better afterwards and had heaps more time getting myself and the kids organised for playgroup today.

I'm loving having a calorie king membership at the moment. I'm really enjoying inputting my foods for the day and coming out at around 1200 cals. Today I decided to turf bread totally. I didn't have one single bred product and although I don't feel any different, it did save me a bunch of calories!

I'm also really enjoying the meals I'm making for dinner (and so is the Hubster!!). Tonight was a prawn dish that I thought of off the top of my head and came in at 310calories and was delicious and filling! I'm still not hungry 3 hours later. I also got to have a  hot chocolate tonight as a bit of a treat... but also an intake booster because I was sitting at 900cals for the day.

Today a couple of wins - playgroup normally involves a bunch of high calorie, highly sugary treats. Cakes, biscuits, lollies, scones -you name it, it was there today! I saw it and didn't even consider eating one. I didn't miss out either, I had my trusty water bottle in my hand and we still all had a good chat and giggle, but I didn't need food to help me with my witty banter and hillarious jokes. haha.
It was awesome to be able to see others eating it, to see all the food laid out on the huge table and not be salivating. Of course, I did curse a couple of the girls for the treats they brought.... 2 weeks ago they were just my thing! Not anymore of course.
Another win was when I got dressed. Unfortunately, due to my weight my pathetic scales can't measure it. They apparently aren't rated highly enough. Rather embarrassing but I need to own it! Anyway, I put on my favourite jeans today. The pair that I usually have a slight struggle getting on and that always leave a big red mark around my belly after a few hours. Today, they were much easier to put on. I'm hoping that it's because I've lost some weight. That I've lost a little off the tummy. They aren't as uncomfortable to wear all day (which I've done... normally after I've been out the jeans come off for comfy trackies). I figure that's got to be good, right?

To solve my issues I bought a new set of scales today. I have to wait for them to arrive, but I will weigh in when they do and I will announce it to the world. THAT number. The number that is holding me back from being the awesome person I can be. The LAST time I will ever see that number on a set of scales that I stand on for the rest of my life!

And to think less than a month ago I never knew this program existed. I have one person in particular to thank for introducing me to this program. I've never enjoyed eating and exercising this much I don't think. It's such a huge change in such a short time. It's pretty awesome though ;)

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Where's your head at?

It's funny when you are at a point where you see something written, hear an excuse you used to use and think to yourself "Omg, how did I ever actually believe that?"
I've just been reading the forums and came across a gem - being fat is a way to hide ourselves from the world. I totally used to believe this! That by being fat noone ever noticed me....
WHAT??!! I think people notice me MORE! How does being fat help me hide? How does it help me emotionally get through all those feelings? It doesn't!
Being fat because you're an emotional eater is a bit of a cop out. Why (until now) could I never before deal with my emotions in an adult way, rather than turn to shitty food for comfort. A hug is WAY better than a block of chocolate. Why did I not think about this more before hand?

I WAS an emotional eater - namely a boredom eater. I used to get bored very very easily so what would I do? Pop out to the fridge and grab something to eat.
Food was also a reward for me. When we were younger our family didn't have a lot of money so treats were very very rare. When I finally got a job and had my own money to spend that no one else could touch guess what I did? Yep, gorged on chips, lollies, chocolate... just CRAP. Isn't hindsight a wonderful thing?

Food is no longer a reward. Rewards are things like facials, getting my hair done, a beautiful new outfit. What the feck did food ever do for me but make me fat? It didn't talk to me. It certainly didn't make me feel better (although at the time I thought that sickly, totally over eaten feeling was 'good').

Why the heck has it taken me THIS long to figure all this out! Gosh I'm really angry with myself for letting me get to this point. I've ALWAYS known better. Why did I push that knowledge away?

Anywhere, I'm here now. I'm going to do this right FINALLY! I'm going to love myself enough to get healthy. To love my family enough to give them a healthy, happy mother and wife.

My dinner tonight was AMAZING! I planned it earlier today and was thinking about it on the drive to my PT. Then I wondered what I would normally have on nights like these just 2 weeks ago. I couldn't even remember!! That's crazy! I'm so happy to continue eating the way I have been. It feels like I've been doing it for a while when in reality it's been 9 days. I just feel good!
My PT busted my arse tonight!! So many weights, a bit of cardio, heavy stuff! I'm already feeling sore so tomorrow is going to be NASTY, but I'm determined to at least go for a walk in the morning.

Meal by meal, day by day... it's slowly sinking in :)

Monday, August 22, 2011

Support and Motivation in bucket loads!

Make sure you hit the 12wbt forums often. I'm amazed at the amount of people who are in my exact situation weight wise and know just what it's like to be me. It's such a huge motivation to have so many people around you all striving for the same thing.
Just the other day I received this lovely message from a forum member :

"Hi there! I have just been going through all the forums and for some unknown reason i was completely drawn to you! I read you're blog also... I though i would tell you that you are pretty amazing for doing this! "

It was such a nice message to log in and read, and it really made my day. I absolutely love the support of the forums and also the individual Facebook groups.It's been fantastic so far and if we can keep this level of support for each other up, the sky is the limit!

Today I've rejoined Calorie King and have been planning my meals for the day. I've reached 1199 calories (and I really had to bulky up my dinner meal to get there!). I've gone for a walk with the kids up my very very VERY long driveway (more for a bit of fresh air) and tonight is my weekly strength training class.
I'm really looking forward to the arrival of my HRM as another motivational tool. I'll be interested to see how much I burn during my current activities and see how much more I need to push myself.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Resisting temptation

I've always thought it near impossible. That I never had enough 'will power'. That I could never control my emotions over food. If there was something I liked within a 10 metre radius, I was going to eat it. If I went out for dinner, I HAD to have breads to start, then my main and of course you HAVE to have dessert! What's the point in going out for dinner if you're not going to go all out?

Clearly I've been missing the mark completely. For 28 odd years, I've thought myself lacking in self control. That I just couldn't resist temptation. For 28 years I've been lying to myself. For 28 years I've been making bullshit excuses. Why? To make life easier? Because I was too lazy? Because I truly didn't have any 'will power'?

Will power is a crock.Well, apart from this Will Power...

  Who is actually quite a talented racing car driver and probably has lots of it!

I'm here to tell you that resisting temptation is EASY! No, don't laugh. No rolling of the eyes either... It REALLY is! I've been proving it everyday for the last week solid. I've resisted. I've said no. I've stopped myself devouring entire buffets. I've been able to control my emotions when it comes to food and it's really starting to pay off - yes after only 7 days!

One week ago, had I have gone out to the local pub for a family dinner, this is what I would have ordered:

Yep. A disgustingly huge fisherman's basket. Of course, I would have a salad on the side but do you think it would ever get touched? If you guessed no, then you are 100% correct. 
Anyway, I'd devour an entire one of these ON MY OWN full of fatty, greasy disgusting-ness, wash it down with 5-6 glasses of 'coke' (you know, that second rate syrup-y concoction), and finish it off with an ice cream sundae that included 3 large scoops of ice cream, chocolate topping and a couple of those chocolate swizzle sticks.
Oh and don't forget the 2-3 pieces of garlic bread for starters!! 

I went back to the local pub last night. As a matter of fact, I went there for the very first time. With a DECENT mindset. With high expectations of myself and my ability to choose the right foods. Well, I did it! It was a struggle, considering the meals ordered around me, but I did it. I drank only water and didn't even consider getting a soft drink of any description. I didn't have any bread or any sort of 'starter'. I had a reasonably healthy chicken dish with veggies and NO CHIPS!! Well, none on my plate anyway. I did sneak 5 before my meal came out which I felt terrible about afterwards, but that is still a huge win in my books!  To finish the night while everyone else tucked into a sundae or other form of dessert, I had a skinny hot chocolate. I did it. I made it through the night with only one tiny slip up after which, I got back on track. It was then I noticed how far I've come in such a short time.

I'm eating breakfast daily. I'm really thinking about what my lunch should consist of (poached eggs on wholemeal toast today and a serving of activia yoghurt). I'm considering snacks if I feel like them and then planning dinner and making sure I steer clear of the bad stuff. Tonight was Salmon fillets with sweet potato mash, green beans and baby carrots. Hubs had rice and served rice up with mine... but I didn't touch it. Another win! My kids even had nuggets, chips and veg and I didn't even bother touching any of it.

How's that for resisting temptation?!!

I had a fab phone call from my sister today and whilst we talked mainly about her upcoming wedding in Jan (that I am to be a bridesmaid in), the conversation did eventually get onto my eating at the moment. I think she's rather impressed with me. Having overcome depression that shocked my entire family only months ago, she was so impressed with how happy and well I sounded and even commented that I sounded really motivated. I know she'll be jumping for joy inside just in the knowledge that I'm trying to do something for myself. I want to make her proud and I want to be a beautiful bridesmaid for her on her wedding day. I want to be a beautiful bridesmaid for myself on her wedding day! It's just so nice to be able to discuss everything with family who are super supportive. 

Tomorrow morning my husband wants me to get up early. I'm a shocker in the mornings... not a very nice person to be around initially. He wants me to do it and I'm going to. I'm going to get up early and I'm going to go for a jog. Just 30 minutes while he's getting ready for work and the kids are amused. Tomorrow night I have a 50min strength training class and I'm going to work my backside off. I'm looking forward to my FT7 coming in the mail in the coming days too. I can't wait to have that motivational tool behind me.

So in closing (lol), week one has ROCKED. I've surprised myself with my newly discovered self control. My ability to do things that will benefit me. The nerve to shout to myself NO! 
I'm like a new person. I feel so much better already! My body is working more efficiently. I WANT to do this. I NEED to do this.
This is one week of my life that I won't regret. One week where I've put myself first. The first week of my life, and definitely not the last.


Saturday, August 20, 2011

I can still smell the fries....

Grocery night last night was a real win. I bought heaps of fresh fruit and veggies, had a good look around for some snacks and found some low cal protein bars for every so often when I need a bit of a choccie kick.
I refrained buying anything for me that I would normally buy.

We went and got dinner afterwards and we HAD to drive past both a McDonalds and KFC. You know that smell that wafts out of your local takeaway store that you can't decide if it's actually a 'nice' smell or not? The same smell that's not left me since my 7 year stint at a McDonalds (and now we get an idea of how the weight battle all started to snowball....).We parked in a car park between the two and I'm not going to lie... I had MANY thoughts about a quick run through the  McDrive Thru but quickly quashed them. Subway was where we (and about 15 others) were headed.
Sorry Ron, it's just not working out

Once I stepped into the store we were totally fine. I wasn't sure if I'd get a roll or a salad so I went halfway and got a wrap. It was delicious! Washed it down with a nice bottle of water, considered a sundae for about 10 seconds and then decided that I was full enough and we continued on. Hubbster and I were discussing weight loss rewards for me. At 5kgs, he's getting me a facial voucher. At 10, it's a trip to the hairdresser. 15kgs we hadn't yet decided (maybe some new clothes?) and at 20 he's getting me a full day spa package (that one was totally his idea!). I told him at 30kgs it's a weekend away and 50 is a 2 week holiday to QLD - NO KIDS! hehe It's nice to have something to work towards and everytime I see that stinking golden arches sign I will give it the stink eye.... there's no way it's holding me back from 2 weeks sunning it up in the tropics!

Never, never never Drive Thru

I've noticed the last few days that I haven't been ridiculously thirsty overnight. Normally, I take a huge glass of water to bed and wake up several times a night to drink. The last 2 nights at least I've been able to sleep right through the night. I feel so much better... I'm not so tired and lethargic. I'm brighter. I'm not snapping at the kids as often either. I am not sure if it's because of the foods I am fueling myself with, or if it's just an entire mindset shift? Either way it's all good news.

Today we are getting measured for bridesmaid dresses for my sisters wedding. I'm a bit worried about it because 1, I don't want to know (even thought I NEED to) and 2, if   WHEN I do manage to lose a bit of weight, the measurements will be completely wrong. I'm not sure if I order a dress for the size I am now, or to go down a size and make myself fit into it (can only be another motivator right?)...

What would you do?

Oh and the egg white omlette with garlic mushrooms - 2 thumbs up ;)

Friday, August 19, 2011

Woah Speed hump!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Family dinner at the pub tomorrow night. CRAP! What am I going to eat?

Ok plan of attack: so what I WILL do is eat and drink like a legend all day tomorrow.I CAN do that because I've been doing it all week. Tomorrow night I'll go for a grilled chicken or fish dish, no creamy sauces and some veg or salad. NO CHIPS. I will treat myself to a SKINNY hot chocolate afterwards.
There. That was EASY! Now the hard part will be to keep myself from munching on the kids chips, the inevitable breads for the table that the family order, and actually ordering what I've said I would....

My new dining out attire... especially when there are chips nearby!

In other news today I've felt a bit blah. I am having one of those can't be arsed days. I wasn't going to head out to an appointment this morning because I couldn't be bothered, but I MADE myself go and it wasn't as hard as usual. This is starting to rub off onto other areas of my life and I like it!

Tonight is grocery shopping night! I'm excited to fill my trolley with heaps of fresh food. I'm going to be on the lookout for low cal snacks too. The In Laws are having the kids which will make life so much easier, especially when the Friday night shopping banter is usually "Let's go to Macca's!" "I want some Popcorn Chicken!" "Mum I'm hungry!!".
Tonight the plan is subway. Tonight my plan is to hopefully have a salad as opposed to a roll, but if I'm REALLY feeling like a roll it will be a wholemeal one, none of this white bread nonsense.

I'm about to read through the crunch time cookbook for some recipe ideas for the week... I feel a few nights of prawns coming on... YUM!

How good does that look!!!


Thursday, August 18, 2011

Never whizzed so much in my entire life!

Is this normal? I'm whizzing in the loo like, once every hour (I s'pose it's better than whizzing on the floor). It's insanity! Lucky I've been home all week. My kids are at the point where they don't have to ask where I am anymore....
I've been drinking tonnes of water. I finally emptied the cup I've been filling today to find it takes 500mls. I thought it was only around 350-400mls so in reality when I think I've drunk 2 litres, it's been more like 2.5-3 litres. Not that it's going to hurt me...
So sorry my previously delicious friends... you're just not worth it 

At this point in time, I'm feeling rather hungry. I've just about cleaned out my cupboards and my fridge is VERY bare (which hubs will NOT like when he gets home). I've still been eating well, having breakfast again today and a chicken and salad wrap for lunch. I did have a bit of a naughty snack this afternoon.... 3 little biscuits but they totalled 161cals so compared to 5 or 6 days ago.... I'm still kicking some butt.

Considering today has been task 2 - the whole excuses thing, I've been rather naughty. I haven't done alot of exercise because I'm sore. I know that's a piss poor excuse. I worked my arse off on Tuesday night at PT and I knew I'd feel it today but didn't expect to be this sore. My son is also rather ill, lying on the couch with a really high temp and just wanting his Mummy. BUT - excuses be gone because when hubby gets home and we've had dinner and the kids are in bed, I'll be getting my wii active on. NO EXCUSES! I have already told myself this... and I may work a little harder because of that naughty snack I had today (and the pasta dish I'll be having for dinner tonight).

Tomorrow is shopping day. My fridge will be filling up with fresh fruit and veggies, lean meats and fish. Mmmm I think we'll have one of Mish's prawn dishes for dinner too.

You know what.... those biscuits just weren't worth it. They calmed my hunger for all of 15 minutes. Pointless really! Guess what I won't be snacking on ever again.

So, after this pointless entry 2 things can be learnt.
1. I will not be tempted to eat something like a cookie that holds bugger all nutritional value and doesn't even make me feel like I've eaten anything but a bunch of air.
2. That I WILL find time to exercise today, but there are NO EXCUSES!

Take that aching Pectorals!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Feeling just fine

I feel fantastic!!! It's been 3 days of me making better choices. 3 days of really thinking about what's going into my body? Do I REALLY need it? What's it going to do for me in the long run? Can I fit 30mins of exercise in here? When can I get another PT session in?

My pee is clear! None of this yellow, dehydrated business. I've been drinking water like a fish. I think today's tally is nearly 2.5 litres. I don't feel like I'm forcing myself (much of the time). I'm keeping a drink near me at all times. I'm looking at calorie totals on foods I've been eating. I'm drinking when I feel slight pangs of hunger (are they really pangs of hunger? Or just old habits?). I'm thinking through what's for lunch, what's for dinner. Breakfast was a sometimes food.... not this week! I'm already feeling the effects of having breakfast by being hungry in the mornings. I haven't felt hunger in the mornings in a long time.

I feel different this time. I'm so proud of what I've already achieved. They are such small things but in my reality they are such HUGE steps. If I can do this, I can do anything!! I just have to put my mind to it.

I've inspired myself by doing well. I can't possibly ruin all the good work I've done all day, so there'll be no choccies tonight! No munching after dinner. No cooking horribly processed foods in the oven for lunches because I can't be assed making anything decent.

Today I feel fantastic! The program really hasn't started, yet I feel like it's already done wonders.
Now is my time. Now is perfect! I can do this and I will!! I've never been so proud of myself in my whole life and I think I could get used to this feeling... :)

12WBT - Bring it on!!!

I'm Nicky, a brand new 12wbt-er. I'm a 28yo Stay At Home Mum of 2 - a 4yo boy and a 2yo girl. I live in the middle of nowhere, in Country Vic. I have a husband 28 who is a big softie and a bit of an enabler, but I've finally put my foot down and TOLD him that he's doing this with me! It's time for us to change. To become amazing role models for our amazing children. To enjoy our lives.

So, how did I get here, to the 12wbt? I don't know what's happened. Something has finally clicked. Maybe it's the embarrassment of trying to drag this 150kg body around a netball court in LYCRA? Maybe it's the knee and ankle issues I'm having (that I've been telling myself could happen to anyone... but I've finally been truthful with myself - It's my MASSIVE WEIGHT! These poor joints are suffering badly). Whatever it was I'm so thankful. I've had a shift in my thinking. It's just time to do something. It's time for me to get a life. A real life. One that I can actually enjoy.

Before finding out about the 12WBT, I was considering weight loss surgery. WOW! To think I had gotten to a place where I was so desperate to lose weight that I thought a life threatening operation was the only way (and before anyone says anything... I am not against weight loss surgery. I had seriously considered this option after having friends go through with it. I am against this option for me because I'm the one holding me in this spot. I CAN lose the weight if I just stop mking excuses and start acting).

After reading Crunchtime and seeing pictures and posts on the 12wbt facebook page, I'm inspired. If other people can do it, why can't I? What's stopping me from being the best person I can be. A happy healthy mother and wife, who enjoys life. Someone who can be happy within themselves, smile at the reflection smiling back at them. It's MY time!

I've already started changing. Since Monday, I've forgone all take away foods even when they are right in front of me. I've been drinking 2 litres of water a day. I've not been snacking on crap. I've been eating breakfast! I've been thinking about what food choices to make. What's going to be better for me in the long run? I''ve also had Pt sessions, a strength training class, and I even did my OWN session at home this morning with plans to do another half an hour later today.This is HUGE for me. I've never thought like this before. To have this much happen already is amazing!! If this is me after reading a few inspiring stories, seeing amazing photos and being signed up for only 3 days... bring on the next 15-16 weeks! Heck... Bring on the REST OF MY LIFE because for me, this is not a 12 week challenge. This is a challenge that I WILL take part in for LIFE.

BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

I'm Fat

Yep, it's true. I'm morbidly obese. There are so many stories about how I got here but none of them are a good enough excuse.
I feel flat. I'm always tired. I can never find well fitting, trendy clothes - I have to resort to buying from plus size stores overseas to get anything half decent.
I'm gross really. I hate the way I look. I avoid mirrors and anything reflective at all costs. I don't like to look at myself and I think I have a distorted view of myself at times telling myself I'm not as big as I thought I was. Truth is I'm probably bigger.

So, why now? Why all of a sudden?

The last week or so I've been seriously considering weight loss surgery - gastric banding. I have a wonderful friend who has gone down this path and the weight is just falling off her. I think I see it as being easier than having to alter my way of living (although I'm sure it's not!!!).
Anyway, hubby is not keen at all. He thinks it's far too drastic. I've spoken to friends who also think it's not the option for me.
After talking to some other ladies who are on the weightloss journey, I've decided to give the 12 Week Body Transformation by Michelle Bridges a go. It starts August 15th and I'm looking forward to it.
I've tried shake diets, weight watchers etc before. I did a program through fernwood many years ago and lost 10kgs, but just couldn't sustain it.
I'm now at a different point in my life. I have a husband and 2 wonderful young children. My body is starting to crack the shits with me, with my knee failing recently and requiring an appointment with a surgeon. I'm already dreaeding the YOU NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT speech that is inevitable.

I don't know how much I weight. At a GP in April he had me at 152kgs :( I NEVER thought I'd get this big.

I'm also SHIT SCARED!!! What happens when I fail (yep, see what I said there- WHEN. Not a great mindset to start off with is it?)?
I've failed every other weightloss attempt before, so why will this time be any different? Well for one, I want my knee to improve. I want to be able to continue playing netball and I'd LOVE to be fit enough to go up a grade where my skills should have me, but because I can't run a length of a netball court without dying... that's just not an option.

So here we are. 1 fat, unhappy, massively fussy eater who IS going to get off her arse and lose some weight but more importantly - GET HEALTHY! This is it! I have to do it and I have to do it NOW!