Goodbye.... and Hello!

Yesterday I said goodbye to my depression for good. Yesterday I had my final counselling session in regards to my mental health. It was more just touching base with my counsellor, who is leaving her current practice. I wanted a bit of closure.
I knew in myself that I was in a good place. I knew that she'd be happy with where I was in my life at the moment, 'mentally healthy'. I felt I needed an ending to the depression story. For someone to in a round about way say.... 'Yep, there's nothing wrong with you anymore. You don't need medication, you don't need counselling. You can lead a normal life and not have to think about it anymore. You're cured!'
Which is not what was actually said.... but that's what I think to myself.. It was an ending that I needed to close that chapter of my life and hopefully never to return to.

The counselling sessions along with moving house all came together at the perfect time and I was finally free enough and confident enough to tackle my weight issues. A lot of my depression was caused by my weight issues, my severe lack of self esteem and because I just didn't give a crap about myself. I was lucky... at THAT size I had a loving husband, adorable kids, an awesome immediate family network.... I nearly had it all. I just thought myself blessed to have those and that even considering looking after myself and wishing for health would be rocking the boat too much. How wrong I was.

My counsellor said seeing me in the waiting room was a bit of a shock. She said she noticed the weight loss straight away. My session yesterday was a very short one.... it was me explaining what I've been doing over the last 4 ish months, Me voicing my slight concerns that I wasn't sure that I could continue it (I know that I can... and I WILL!), and then her reminding me how far I've come, how amazing I look and how impressed she was with everything I've done. That I've worked so hard on everything, I've let the little things that were holding me back go, and that I have such a bright future ahead of me now. Sure, it was a nice bit of an ego boost hearing her say those things and I did feel a little weird, but I HAVE worked hard. I've worked hard on my mental and my physical health. I've worked hard on loving myself again. I've worked hard to lose the weight and I'm determined to continue to work hard losing more and becoming the person I know I can be.

So, even though the 12wbt sort of 'ended'.... it really hasn't. Now is the test. Now is the time that I find out what I'm REALLY made of. Can I hack it? OF COURSE I CAN!! I've done this. Noone else has forced me to eat the way I do. Noone else has forced me to train the way I do. Noone has forced me to change my way of thinking. I've had the tools to allow me to do all of these things, but I've done it. Me. Myself. I DID IT and I will continue to.

This is life now. Watching what I eat, training my arse off. Keeping tabs on my numbers on those pesky scales. This is me. This is life and by gosh am I going to start living it.