So on the weekend, I got to attend the round 1 finale party and workout in Melbourne. I'd been so excited at the prospect of being able to catch up with people I'd been chatting to for many months now. It was a fantastic weekend apart from the fact that my original guest injured her back at a last minute training session late on Friday morning (2 hours before we were due to leave) and was unable to attend. I did got onto my Mum though who I stole from work 4 hours early and dragged down for a weekend. ;)

Unfortunately due to my hamstring tendon still not being where it needs to be, I couldn't do the workout. I watched while my Mum and many many girls who have been so inspirational toughed it out. I am sad that I missed it though.

The finale party that night was great, although was soured by the long wait to get in (was expecting a bit of a wait, but it took us 45 mins in a line before we got in) and extreme rudeness from a group of 'ladies' (I use the term loosely) who abused us while they jumped out of line for photos and we stepped forward. Apart from being very rude, they were then rather pushy and found their way in ahead of us (I'm not one who enjoys confrontation so just let them go). It really soured the evening for us and we weren't able to enjoy it as much as we would have lied to.

The plaza ballroom was gorgeous. I'm so sad that I couldn't find any of my local 12wbters due to the lack of service for our phones down there, but I did get to mingle (not for long enough) with many many ladies who I'd been dying to meet. Was a great night and one that I'd head to again in the future.

So where am I at now? I'm still pretty much out with this tendon stuff, although just starting to walk reasonable distances. A veyr slow build up to make sure that my knee and leg are coping ok with it. I'm not keen to push too hard and render myself useless for however many more weeks again. I'm planning a 10km fun run (which I'll walk and possibly jog a tiny bit of after physio advice) on June 10th which will be my first major exercise achievement in well over 2 months. I'm also hoping by the end of June to get back to netball again... I've been unable to play this season so far and we started mid April!!

Weight wise I've not done too badly. I've let the fact I can't train and the ensuing depression it brings really affect my diet to the point where I'm not even thinking about what I'm putting in my mouth. I'm very lucky that I've not really gained anything and am floating around the same weight I was when I injured myself.
I've got to be pretty happy with that!

After my weekend away I felt different. Although I've come along way weight loss and fitness wise, I still felt out of place. I still felt massively huge. I felt like I'd not lost anything (logically I know I've lost a LOT, but the mind games I play with myself never let me think about things logically these days). I felt like I was the biggest person at the finale party on Saturday night. I felt gross in my gorgeous dress I was excited to wear. It was a real kick in the guts but also a real eye opener - I may have come a fair way, but there's still an ever further way to go.

So when I got back to B town on Sunday around lunch time, I decided to go and get my hair trimmed. I ended up taking around 30cms of length of it which was more than I'd envisaged when I decided to get my hair cut, but I don't regret it at all. Some people say that a big change like that means something... maybe I'm turning a corner? Maybe I'm ready to really have a good crack at losing the rest of this weight? I mean, I've not really been in hard core weightloss mode since just before Christmas and I'm really disappointed that I wasted round 1.

I haven't yet signed up for round 2. Before the weekend I'd decided to have this round off and come back next round. I'm now considering doing it. I know I still need a LOT of help with my mindset. I need the support that the forums and FB groups offer. I need someone to tell me what to do, where I need to fix things.

I think back to where I was at the very beginning of my journey. August last year. Desperate to lose the weight. Totally committed to getting it off. Watching the numbers fall every single week. Feeling so good about myself when I got under the 150kg mark. Feeling awesome hitting the 139's, like I could go all the way to goal.

I'm currently sitting at 125kgs. I've got exactly 40 kgs I want to lose to get to my goal. I've lost 38kgs. I CAN do this... heck I've already done it!!! I just need to love and respect myself enough to do it. I need to stop worrying about other people, and worry about ME!! I'm not doing this for anyone else... this is MY time.