Saturday, February 4, 2012

And the black clouds come rolling in....

I'm beginning to doubt myself... Big Time! I'm doubting that I'll actually ever be able to get to my goal. I'm doubting that I'll lose ANY more weight at all! I'm doubting my fitness, I'm doubting everything. It's a horrible place to be in, especially when I've done 30kgs fairly easily and I've got so many people watching my every move.
It's SCARY! I feel like I'm a disappointment because I haven't lost any weight in the last few weeks. I'm sitting in the same spot I have been since Christmas. I feel like I will NEVER get under 100kgs at this rate, let alone reach my goal.

Why do this to myself? I thought I'd come so far! I thought I'd gotten past all these 'demons' in my mind. JFDI and all that.

This round is going to be harder and it will be my ultimate test. If I don't make it through this round, I'm going to be a huge disappointment to so many people, including myself.
The stupid thing is, I KNOW I can do this. I've DONE it before!!!!! Why is my brain doing this to me now?
I hope something flicks into place on day 1. I really do. At the moment, I'm not liking my chances of a successful round 1.
I'm scared.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Nicky, 30kg down and I could basically have written the same post. So much going on in that negative old head. Believe you can do it, you have been a rockstar so far. Maybe don't look so far ahead, try & make good choices for today (? Talking to myself too). I haven't been able to get below 106- hovering few hundred grams up & down around that. 106 marks 30kg down for me. Hmmm. Got luck- do you remember you have a great big online support team. Take care

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