Where's your head at?

It's funny when you are at a point where you see something written, hear an excuse you used to use and think to yourself "Omg, how did I ever actually believe that?"
I've just been reading the forums and came across a gem - being fat is a way to hide ourselves from the world. I totally used to believe this! That by being fat noone ever noticed me....
WHAT??!! I think people notice me MORE! How does being fat help me hide? How does it help me emotionally get through all those feelings? It doesn't!
Being fat because you're an emotional eater is a bit of a cop out. Why (until now) could I never before deal with my emotions in an adult way, rather than turn to shitty food for comfort. A hug is WAY better than a block of chocolate. Why did I not think about this more before hand?

I WAS an emotional eater - namely a boredom eater. I used to get bored very very easily so what would I do? Pop out to the fridge and grab something to eat.
Food was also a reward for me. When we were younger our family didn't have a lot of money so treats were very very rare. When I finally got a job and had my own money to spend that no one else could touch guess what I did? Yep, gorged on chips, lollies, chocolate... just CRAP. Isn't hindsight a wonderful thing?

Food is no longer a reward. Rewards are things like facials, getting my hair done, a beautiful new outfit. What the feck did food ever do for me but make me fat? It didn't talk to me. It certainly didn't make me feel better (although at the time I thought that sickly, totally over eaten feeling was 'good').

Why the heck has it taken me THIS long to figure all this out! Gosh I'm really angry with myself for letting me get to this point. I've ALWAYS known better. Why did I push that knowledge away?

Anywhere, I'm here now. I'm going to do this right FINALLY! I'm going to love myself enough to get healthy. To love my family enough to give them a healthy, happy mother and wife.

My dinner tonight was AMAZING! I planned it earlier today and was thinking about it on the drive to my PT. Then I wondered what I would normally have on nights like these just 2 weeks ago. I couldn't even remember!! That's crazy! I'm so happy to continue eating the way I have been. It feels like I've been doing it for a while when in reality it's been 9 days. I just feel good!
My PT busted my arse tonight!! So many weights, a bit of cardio, heavy stuff! I'm already feeling sore so tomorrow is going to be NASTY, but I'm determined to at least go for a walk in the morning.


Meal by meal, day by day... it's slowly sinking in :)